Friday, December 7, 2012

Cross Roads

This is another tough one for me to write. 

11 years ago, I took on raising my granddaughter. Circumstances at the time do not matter as to why, but the bottom line is, I did. I was also pregnant with my 3rd and youngest son. One month prior to giving birth to him, my one year old grandchild, Alexis Michelle Surdyk Winne was placed into our home. 

I was married at the time, and had a 6 year old son, and 3 year old son. Now I was looking at taking on a one year old and having a new born. One month later I had Gabriel. One week later, I was diagnosed with a rare illness and they gave me one year to live. 

My children were growing up knowing I was sick and one day this illness would take me. So we made the best of it. They grew up basically happy in a suburban home, with summer trips and happy holidays and always surrounded by family. Grandparents and cousins and Aunts and Uncles. 

2 years ago my husband left me for another woman. The children were devastated. I was devastated for them, and kept hoping that things would work out, that he would come back. See, he, and they did not know about the other woman. I did. I kept it to myself. I thought if he choose to, I would let him back. What took place was, he involved the children in the affair, and I "learned" of it from them. (Even though I had given him plenty of opportunity to tell me)  This is not about him though. 

At the time of his leaving, my kids were 9, 10, 11, and 15. I fought to keep my kids in their home for two year's. I lost. I fought to keep my children together, and lost that one too. My oldest, is a senior in high school at MPHS in Marysville, which is where we were living at the time. I had to take a cut in income and then had to make the decision to move south to a lower rental area. I searched for 8 months for a home that would fit our needs and what I could afford in the Marysville area and could not find one, so I made the decision to have my son commute. He stays with friends during the week and see's me on weekends. If his schedule allows. That one hurt. I miss him terribly. 

Now, once again I have come to another crossroads. Yesterday, my finances took another hit. My Ex was well aware this was going to happen, and has used it to validate why he left me and why I should not have my children. (One day, I will write and post, all he has said about his leaving a seemingly happy marriage and everything that took place between him and I since then) Not this time. Bottom line, is he knew this was going to happen, and laughs about it. Not caring about the children or the impact this is going to have on them, once again.

 I will say this, The courts, with my ex's awareness, has taken credit, (being the obligatory parent) for the state, (tax payers) paying for Alexis's care, and now all that money, 31,000.00 will be paid back by him, and not go to my other two children that will stay here. In other words, they take it all. Even the amount that my two boys are entitled to get under the child support laws. 

My granddaughter is 12 now. He and my 17 year old took the split the hardest. I have always taught my children that life is not always fair, and we deal with it the best we can. My oldest has. Now it is her turn. Because of what took place, and most of it legal stuff, in a nutshell, she will be going back to her mother. I am removing the dependency action that permanently placed her with us.  Within a month, before the 1st of the year she will be placed with her mother in Bellingham. On the one hand this is good for her, but on the other, it is ripping her out of the family she has been raised with. Needless to say. I am pissed, hurt, and over all bowled over by the system, my ex. and the disregard for this childs well being. I know her mother is in a better position to have her, but I don't know that this is the right choice. I don't have the answers, but I do know, that it should not be taking place as quick as it is, because of an uncaring parent. 

I can only thank god that my daughter has changed her life enough for Alexis to return to her. 

Also due to all this taking place, the new place I am in, I will have to leave. I can no longer afford it, and so I will be making a move also. 
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