Changes.....

When you are young, you have the luxury to explore what you want to do with your life. Who you want to be. You have time to experiment, try new things,  go to new places. Some know right away what they want, who they are going to become. Some don't. I was one of the ones who didn't. Not at 1st..... 

I spent the better part of my 20's to 40's being married, raising children, and grandchildren. Having goals and plans in place for what I wanted to do with my life, but always setting those aside for someone else. I'm not a selfish person, and I do for others before I do for me....but...

You reach a point in your life where you know what you want. You have an epiphany, and all of a sudden what you thought, changes.  It stops you in your tracks, changes the way you look at the world and humanity. You  start to question who you really are, what events defined the way you are now, who are the people you have around you and what do they really mean to you. To your existence. Do they add value, or detract it. 

I'm really struggling with a belief system that has been in place for so many years, I live it by rote. I'm a social creature, always have been, I love people, and accept everyone. Its behaviors that I am having a hard time with. Really trying to move forward and not let these things define my ultimate lifestyle, but it's not easy. Thoughts constantly tumble around in my mind about my entire existence. 

I don't know, maybe it's my age... maybe it's because I want more for myself and my children and the people in my life, and maybe it's because I care to much, and want everyone else to care too. Inherent in a woman. It's the way we are. No apologies...lol... 

alright, I'm out.. love an peace~