Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Ending a friendship

Knowing when to end a friendship can be difficult, especially if the one you had was a strong one.

There are lot's of different types of friendships out there. Close friends, acquaintances that become friends, and friends that are like family. It all depends on how they fit into your life and the value you provide each other.

I have done this twice in my life. The 1st time it broke my heart. This time, I am just stunned that the whole premise of the friendship was not based on what I thought it was based on.

10 years ago, I told my girlfriend that I could no longer be friends with her and it hurt me terribly. I needed her in my life. She was as close as a beloved sister. At the time, there was an event that changed things for the both of us, and I could no longer in good conscience keep the friendship. About 4 years after ending it, a close friend of ours passed away, and I called her. It happened to be on her birthday and although it was a difficult call, we ended up reconnecting. She is still in my life, and we are still very close.

The friendship I ended yesterday, came down to pretty much the same thing. An event took place, and I had to decide which was more important. What was taking place in my life, or the friendship. My personal life is the priority here.

Instead of just cutting off the friendship abruptly, I decided to give this friend the benefit of the doubt, and let her know why I was ending it, secretly hoping that we would not have to. This actually goes back to September of last year, but to bring you up to speed, I only just found about about this in April of this year. So I emailed her in April, and never received a response. I emailed her last week, after she had contact with one of my family members, but not with me. (I was still trying to work this out) She did email me back this time, although the email, was twisted and full of anger and accusations, that justified to her, actions that took place in September of last year.

Whoa... so reading this, I thought, wow, why would you turn this around. What is the motivation? So without going into all the personal details, I quickly wrote back, that I needed the contact to stop and would she also please remove the family member from her contact list also. I received 2 more angry and nasty notes, saying she would not Jump to my requests, and that she would do it when she got around to it.

To make a long story short here, I see that she has lied to me, and so I wonder about the motivation again. I not written back to her, and have removed all contacts for her. I have also had my family do the same.

The bottom line is this. I am still friends with the woman that I stopped being friends with 10 years ago, because we were both mature enough to know that things at the time had to be the way they were, and we accepted it. There was no accusations, or angry letters, calls, ect, and no contact until our mutual friend passed away. This is the type of friendship that goes long and deep. The ones that can handle that you need to make personal decisions based on your life at the time, usually will stick around threw thick and thin. The ones who can't don't and are not worth the effort. Sad but true. This second friendship will not be one that I pick back up in the future. It is time to move on.
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