Wages and rent.

Let's talk about wages in this state for a minute.

You all know I am a single mother. My children are grown, so I do not support them at this time. However, I will be helping with my 19-year-old, the one I spoke about in my last post.

I've looked for housing that we can afford, and there is none. It's pretty much non-existent for a single household. You need at least 2 incomes to make it work, and most times that's not enough.

There is nowhere in Washington State according to this article https://reports.nlihc.org/oor
This link shows I make 4 dollars less an hour to be able to afford a 2 bedroom home. That's just for housing. That does not include, basic needs. Food, gas, clothing, or car maintenance. Let alone, anything extra, like cable, entertainment, etc. Extra does not seem to be in the vocabulary or budget.  In all likelihood, it would also be in an area where there are drugs and crime. Although that seems to be everywhere these days.

I've changed jobs once in the last year, and now am planning on either going for another with a higher wage or getting a second job. The problem I see with this is the time I also need to help with Jake.

So what are the answers? Do we vote again for a higher minimum wage? Do we go for rent control according to the cost of living? Do we room with friends, or strangers to make ends meet? No wonder the American family has fallen apart.

In my opinion, the state of our economics has contributed to the downfall of society on a whole. It's systemic, this problem we have and no one seems to be outraged enough to find the solutions for it. I'm no longer surprised by the rate of the crime I see on a daily basis. Nor am I surprised by the constant stories I hear friends tell about what's happened with them.

I'm not surprised by the homeless problems, but for the 1st time in a long time, I fear it. I've lived life on the edge since my divorce. Not making any one decision and sticking with it. Constantly on the go and moving around. Maybe so I could not be touched or hurt again. Probably. Either way, with the situation as it is with Jake, I want that stability again. I always did, I just didn't pursue it like I am now.

We've been looking for places, and I know we will find one somewhere. It may take a job change again, it may not. Who knows, but that's where it's at. I think if someone wants something bad enough, they make it happen.

Wages and Rents? We'll figure it out. I always do but something needs to change in that department. Rent's need to change and wages need to change.

Peace~

Elusive

Writing.....its slipped away these past few years.
I've found it harder to express my thoughts on my own life. Like I'm numb to everything going on.
Even my own choices.
Life has slipped by. Seemingly endless with no direction.  Like scenery passing by in a car window.
Mundane, almost. Like I'm not really participating. Things happen and I feel  I'm watching someone else respond to them. 

The past few years have sort of slipped away without me taking much notice of them. 

So in April of this year, my middle son, Jacob was diagnosed with A.S.D (Autism spectrum disorder) 

He's mid to high function, but the fascinating thing is memory function. It's below average for A.S.D. 

What this means, is, that even though he can function, his memory is so poor that, he immediately forgets, what's being asked of him, or required of him. There are other medical issues that have come along with this diagnosis too. 

Now I notice. Everything. My focus is on work and Jake. Appointments, doctors, tests, etc. Paperwork. And lots of it. Jake has depression, social anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Between 6 day work weeks, little to no sleep, and helping my son, I've precious little time. 

I am being pushed again to publish, and again, I wonder if any of what I write is worth someone's time to read. Clearly, this is an esteem issue for me. I don't feel like what I go through or what I deal with would be beneficial to someone else.  Everyone has a story to tell. 

I've written about suicide in this blog, or book, or whatever this turns out to be. From an outside perspective, it's a sense of feeling hopeless. Like nothing is real, and nothing matters. I can read Jakes emotions pretty well, and I see it sometimes and feel the need to be in constant contact with him by phone or email, if not physically with him. 

So.... my writing? I guess I have new things to write about. More challenges to face. I sense these will be my biggest ones yet, since my divorce years ago now.  I can't imagine how Jake sees the world.  I know how I see it and hope that he can one day find beauty and grace in it as I do. 

For now, peace out. 

Sexy message

The whole beginning of this posting is a caveat:

Im handing out a piece of me that in all truth should stay private for now.

I've been having dreams about this man I met. We are in a relationship of (not) so harmless flirtation, and friendship with an underlying sizzle.
He makes me laugh on a daily basis. We both laugh. We clicked immediately. I'm comfortable with him, yet nervous like a school girl when conversation starts to get steamy.

The things I want to do with him. Insert heavy groan for the thought of those things. I'd love to just tell him, but then would not be able to look in his eyes. I've never been able to express desire except on paper. In part I feel silly putting it here. I need seducing. I'm sensual, more than sexual. Hot and fast comes after seduction. He's already seduced my mind.

So this is me, stepping out of my comfort zone.

I can picture us at his place, on his deck. It's twilight as he stands behind me.
I'm in jeans and a tank, barefoot. He's in jeans, shirtless and barefoot. It's warm out, a slight breeze drifts by.

His hands on my hips tracing circles softly, lightly following the curve of my spine to my buttocks. One of my erogenous zones. My heartbeat picks up as I anticipate where this is going. I love his hands, they are strong and sure.

He turns me in his arms, we kiss, deeply. I trace the hardness of his cock, Lightly, up and down through his jeans as our kiss becomes deeper. I unzip him slowly, as his hands travel to my breast. There is a light sheen of sweat on us, as we come closer together.

My nipples are hard, and ache for his lips. He lifts my tank over my head, running his hands down my arms and over my ribs. Bringing his mouth to my breast, tracing the nipple with his tounge, lightly nipping it.

We are both breathing heavy now,   undressing each other all the way. He lifts me to the deck railing, both of us unaware of our surroundings except for each other.

He slides his clock into my wet hot depths, taking me slowly. I ache, and pull him deeper. We go slow at 1st enjoying the sensations awakened in both of us. Night birds call in the distance, and the moonlight slowly washes over his body. Sweat glistens on his chest, our eyes meet.

He takes me hard then, until we both climax in waves, and coming to rest in each other's arms.

Timing

Changing paths can make all the difference in the world.

Flying down the back roads of Snohomish County, the windows down, music on and the wind going past, you can smell the heat of summer coming. Fresh mown grass, the hay fields. Its early morning, the sun is out, but cold and brisk. A promise of a new day, a new beginning.

Memories of my younger self on these same roads flit through my mind. The sights and senses the same, but so much has changed.

Life's lessons have taught me to be open and receptive to new beginnings. I have a wild spirit, I've been wayward yet grounded. Always grounded to my upbringing. I'm simple, like quantum physics. A contradiction.

I want passion, excitement, chaos, complication and joy. Yet I want freedom. Freedom to be me.
I want someone to fight for me, to stand with me, and to ground me when I'm heading for the door.

I want love, commitment, compassion, growth, change,  respect. I want storms, thunder, lightning. I want life.

Mistakes will be made, feelings hurt, fights, but in the middle will be respect. Respect for the individuals we are.

Fear and anticipation.  A road not traveled in a long time. A pattern to be broken. A new path. A possibility for the future.

As I roll through the small towns, the air becomes still in anticipation of rain. Storms rolling in. A cleansing of the past.