Monday, January 2, 2012

It's 1 2 1 2

Year in review 

January: One hell of a month. Spent it just trying to get through each day. Cleaning, getting the kids to school, and purging. 

February: The 1st "was" my 15th year anniversary and also my birthday. I spent that alone, but had a former friend down for dinner. It was also the catalyst month for who I am with now. I also bought my Ruger, and started training again.

March: Purged a lot in the home this month, and started on the yard. The last week of March, my daughter and granddaughter came for a visit from Montana. I was also still wearing my wedding rings and was still being told that he was coming home. I had a home invasion in this month, and was told on the last week by my children that "daddy" had a girlfriend. 

April: This month was another life changing month. I had taken my wedding rings off, and was considering the dating pool again. I met a dear friend, with whom we both had thought about taking a few steps in that direction, but he was also going through divorce as I was. On the 5th of this month, I had my 1st date, but with a man that I met through the internet. I knew we had something, but we were also both processing where our relationship might go. 

May: Still dating this man, who swept me off my feet. I have to say, this may seem fast for some of you, but I had done a lot of reflection from the time Paul left in November, although we were finished in August, and I know that I had out grown him. I was ready for new love and did not even realize it until meeting. 

June: From March forward, I had hit the music scene again, after being gone from it for almost 17 years. Rick, as those of you who know him, is a drummer. I was going to most of his gigs and spending time on the house in-between times. I was also meeting new friends and hooking up with old ones, and having the time of my life. 

July: I love the summer, and this month we actually had some sun, so I spent a lot of time out side and also I was still purging things from my past. My relationship with Rick was progressing, although we have had some ups and downs, I have been completely happy with him. My friendships with the new people I have met were also becoming stronger. I had model pictures done, with my vintage clothing, although I was in the process of closing down, due to to many personal issues happening and taking care of the children.

August: The kids seemed to be doing fine, although knowing them and our dynamics, I also know they were all still suffering from the split with me and their dad. On the 1st, when Paul came to get the mortgage, we had a phone conversation that changed things again. I took a roll of the dice, and I am now in the fight of my life for my children's home. 

September: The kids are back in school. I have stayed in close touch with the principal and the counselors to make sure the kids are on the right track. We have had a few bumps, but overall they have done well. This was also a month of taking care of some health issues, although now, they seem to be back. 

October: Ricks band was doing good, and he was coming along musically on the scene. I have to say, he is an amazing drummer. The best I have seen come out of the Northwest in a long time. Don't get me wrong, there are good ones out there, but for as fast as he came up on the scene, he kills it. He's going places. I have no words to describe how proud of him I am. 

November: Still moving forward here. Antony and the kids are doing well, although we have some things happening with Alexis that need to get addressed. ASAP, and I am not getting help from her dad. Not sure why he seems to thinks things are fine, but they are SO not. Rick has taken on a couple more musical projects and his career is moving forward the way he needs it too. 

December: This again is another hard month, not just because of the holidays, but because the children are going through all the memories of having their second Christmas without dad and dealing with the 1st year of knowing he is not coming back. They know I am happy, but they also see all of dad's things still here, and as children do, think maybe, just maybe, he will come home. They don't say it, but they don't have to. I can see it in behavior and actions.  Our Christmas was good, (wonderful for me, being the 1st of many to come with Rick) but it also low key. 

In closing:
I am also still in cleaning mode, and finally have gotten Paul to remove some of his things. The catalyst for this was CPS showing up at my door, Christmas eve. How nice. Following this was the health dept. The allegations involved are bogus and contradictory, so I am hoping that inter-agancy, they will see this as harassment. I will never have access to the name, but the agency's will.  At this point, there is no public disclosure, so I have no way to defend myself. The children know the truth of the situation, as does Paul, his girlfriend and his family. They are not neglected, living in filth, nor going hungry while I live high on the hog. I don't do drugs, and drink on occasion, when they are at their dads. Nothing illegal in that. They are well dressed, and well behaved kids. That is the main point, they are KIDS.  

Starting the New year dealing with this situation is going to be interesting. I will say this, the person, or persons who have sunk this low to hurt me,  have only hurt my children, and that is not a good thing to do in my book. Karma will come back on you. 

The positive out of this, is my place is now MINE again, and Paul's things are almost gone. There are still a few here he needs to get, but that is being taken care of by the end of the week.

To the people I love, and who have been here for me. 

Rick, you have been my rock and my inspiration this year and I know you will continue to be. 

To the ones who want to hurt me? Well, you can kiss my ass. Bring it on. You have fucked with the wrong mom. Nuff said. 

Happy New year everyone, and may this one be better than the last one. 

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