Saturday, April 13, 2013

You don't know me

I was in a conversation yesterday after my surgery. I have to say, this is the 1st time that I have felt like someone really knew me. Me, and what I go through. Maybe not all of it, maybe even just a little of it, but the important part of it. 

The part where it's hard to explain to anyone how you are. That you are sick, that you deal with this on a daily basis for years, and get tired of saying it over and over again. We build a defense for what we go through, and no one can truly understand what it does to our Psyche. How we try not to let these things define us, when they in effect, actually do, because of how others actually perceive us. 

The glazed look in someones eye's when your trying to explain what you actually have. How it affects your life and those around you. How you feel completely alone in the world, and when people say they understand and are here for us, they are not. Because they don't understand and it is human nature to block out what we can't control, what we can't fix. 

It's hard enough to ask for help when we need it, then in turn to be criticized for how we are handling something, or given advice on how we should handle something, just makes us shut down more. Or to be cut out of someones life because of it, or parts of their life. Men leave their wives all the time when the women become sick. Why? Because they are weak? They can't fix it? Who knows, they just do. Trying to stay positive is hard enough,  then your accused of being negative when your only dealing with what life has dealt you. In the only way you know how. 

You don't know me. You won't know me. There is only one person who is close to knowing me, and even he has misjudged me. For the rest of you, you can never know who I truly am, unless you take the time, and most of you won't. 

It's human nature to shut off or down when someone you care about is hurting and there is nothing you can do about it. I can say, the one thing I know myself and other's like me need is empathy. Not judgement. We didn't ask for what we have, but deal with it the best we can. When you say you care? How about a hug, or a touch of commiseration. No, you can never truly know how it feels to be us, but you can show you care. It's not that hard. 
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