Sunday, October 20, 2013

The color of rage

I had this post all written out on my phone, and then lost it. I've been Waring with internal rage, and I do mean rage.  Not a simple feeling such as mad, or angry.... but rage. 

I was broadsided with more changes in my life, not only the demise of my computer, but many other contributing factors, that have just been building and building and now I have no where to put them. 

red, rage, let it go 
I use to purge when I was upset or hurt or angry. I had a fire pit in the back yard that my kids and I built and we would alternately blow things up. I mean that literally. After my husband left, I had this 3 year plan in place, but I had to get rid of the feelings I was dealing with, so that is what I did. I blew things up. 

Things that had accumulated over the course of 17 years. Things I no longer needed, things left behind, things that hurt. I would go to the gas station, buy 5 gallons of gas, and throw things onto the pit, dump the gas on it..... let it permeate for a few, and throw the match! 

The kids would join in on this too, and it seemed to help them cope with the constant changes that we were dealing with. Since then, however, after loosing the home, moving to an apartment, and now living with Rik, I have no place to burn. I wish I did. Writing has helped some, but its not nearly as good as a nice big Ka-boom. Call me a firebug, I don't care, but it works. 

You get these brilliant colors, depending on what you are burning, and using as fuel. Red's were the best. Why? Because red is the color of rage, and when you let that go, it's beautiful. 

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