Thursday, March 3, 2016

Hello again

 hello again my old friend. 
Roger Fisher All told album release party 

30 years ago, I lived in the house I am living in now. This was during the Seattle music scenes explosion into fame. We had a few bands that came out of here, that made it big, prior to the early 80's. Heart, and Queensryche for a few. However, the late 80's and the 90's put us on the map and kept us there. I have always been involved in the music industry, in one way or another, and plan to continue as long as I can. 

Lets back up a few years here. I went through a divorce, and subsequent dating after that, and have now made the decision to concentrate, not only on my writing, but myself and my 16 year old son. 

Since being back with my girlfriend, I have found myself happier than I have been in a long time. I have made some colossal mistakes in the last 6 years. I often wonder what it is with my generation, that has become so fast paced and shallow. 

I find little substance in this world these days, and that is a very scary thought for my son's future. Don't get me wrong, I have some pretty amazing friends, old, and new. That said, I think I am at an age, where I need to really focus on me, and the type of people I want in my life.  I have not really cared all that much about "types" not since my early 20's.  Oh, I've fucked off for the last 5 years, and I am definitely paying for it now, but that is not what I mean by saying I need to focus on me or my son. 

I need to get it together here, and stop worrying about everyone else. Something that is very hard for me to do, since it is inherent in my nature. I have always put other's before me, and I am still doing it. In both cases, they are women who have been my friends for 30+ years, so I am not feeling to guilty about it. 

My health is still not good these days, and I have not paid that a lot of mind either. I need to, again, for my boys. and for other friends in my life that are very important to me.  I don't want to, because I am tired of the system, and constantly fighting it, but I need to. 

So I have made this commitment to stay where I am, at my best friends childhood home, and not go anywhere for 2 years. I need to get my writing put together, and get my illustrator on board, or in this case, a local photographer that I have known for the last 6 years. His visuals, are like my words. You can see pieces of him in the photos, the same with the pieces of me you find here. 

A lot of my writing will give you insights to me, but will not give you who I really am, at heart. A little wild, a little rebel, a little lost. I don't feel like I truly belong anywhere these days, and I more often than not, feel numb to life's changes. Waiting for the other shoe to drop I guess you could say, because it always seems to. 

I think at this point it is the lack of stability that I am feeling. I'm not feeling like this is going to be a long term commitment to where I am. Just a feeling, but there it is. I've always had that wild streak, but at my age, I am feeling the need for settling down, which I thought I had done in my early 30's. This is not where I pictured my life, and I am the only one who can take the steps to change my view. 

Another new beginning. 

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