Sexual harassment and pay offs

This is a follow up to my article on Sexual harassment; a different perspective. 

In the news lately there have been a lot of stories on Sexual abuse, or sexual harassment, or mis conduct. The most recent as of yesterday is about a young woman by the name of McKayla Maroney. 

She was an Olympic gymnast,  a Gold medalist, and starting at the age of 13 at her training camp in Houston Texas, Dr. Larry Nasser allegedly abused her. Her and 141 other young girls in his charge for the Olympic's. McKayla was paid off in a mediation settlement for an undisclosed amount to keep quiet about her abuse. For full story, see here; http://time.com/5074524/usa-gymnastics-paid-mckayla-maroney-sex-abuse/  Nasser is now serving 60 years in prison. 

So clearly we have a legitimate case of Sexual misconduct, and cover up. However, here is the million dollar question that I think any mother of a young girl would be asking herself. Why did McKayla's mother allow this to happen and why did she take the pay off? McKayla was underage when the mediation and settlement happened. Therefore she had to have a parent or guardian with her when the legal paperwork was signed. So what the hell was she thinking and why aren't charges being filed against her for neglect and child endangerment. (at a minimum) 

At Nasser's hearing McKayla and her mother both submitted victim impact statements. Seriously? I'd like someone to explain how Mama was a victim of the Olympic committee and the "Law". Was she coerced also? Or did she see a fat paycheck. I did some digging and came up with nothing on Erin Maroney, McKayla's mother. Not her back ground, not her source of income. Nothing. I also cannot find anything on McKayla's father. He's not mentioned once in the articles on McKayla. 

The photo above shows McKayla and her mother Erin. Both look healthy and happy. Either way, I am watching this story as it develop, and you can bet, I will have an opinion regarding Mama's duplicity in this case. 

As for McKayla, my heart goes out to the young girl she was, and the young women she is now. I pray she finds peace with her past. 

Sexual Harassment; A different perspective

I'll start this with a caveat; This is in no way a defense of current events that are happening around the globe and in our news. I cannot speak for the women who are currently going through this or have gone through this in the past. My belief and views should not negate what other women go through, nor the Law, or statue of what they are dealing with. It is not my place. 

I am speaking for me; and me alone. I believe each of us experience the same things in different ways. 

I've always been a hothead when it comes to politics, policy, rules, and guidelines, and this is no different. Should sexual harassment be taking place, and in what capacity does it become a law suit. 

This should come down to individual experience. Period. We have no right to judge what someone else has gone through. Question, yes, not judge. 

In 1987, I was working as a cocktail waitress in a local bar. The uniform back then was a black mini skirt, white tux shirt with a cummerbund and tie, and high heels. I was barely 22 years old, and did not question our "look". ( no, I have no photos..lol...) I did not date, and did not put up with men who made sexual innuendos. I was there for the job and paycheck. Period.  

When I switched from cocktail waitress to bouncer, my look did not change much. I was still required to wear skirts and heels, but I could choose my own clothing. 

The owner of the club I worked for was in "love" with me... and a few other girls. I considered him a friend only. He was about 6'5 and weighed about 600 pds. His frequent comment to my turning him down on a relationship was "It's because I am fat isn't it?" my answer was no, "it's because you are an alcoholic". That, and he was 22 years older than me. 

That said, he kept the guys away from me, either with his "looks" and intimidation, or flat out telling them I was his. Me being me, I would roll my eyes and tell him to get stuffed. He fired me at least once a week, and called me back to work the very next day after he would do it. 

He showed up at my parent's home in his limo one morning at 3am, and got my father pissed off as all get out, as his limo blocked my dad from leaving to work. My father then pounded on my bedroom door, getting me up. 

In the meantime, Steve was in the driveway, yelling that he was gonna marry me, or see me dead. He also pulled a 9mm on me and my cousin one night when I was being walked to my car at the club. Was this sexual harassment? I'm sure in other women's eyes it would have been. In mine, it was just flat out annoying.

The point I am attempting to make with this little story, is, I was smart enough to know that this was just a game with Steve. It was harmless. I'm also smart enough to know that women like Katie Couric "appears" to be jumping on the band wagon of sexual assault victims these days. Breaking her silence". 
Indeed. Did she really feel her livelihood was threatened by Matt Lauer? Was he really "pinching her on the ass" as reports say? Or is this all media hype because people want Trump out of office for his sexual misconduct. (Which, by the way was prior to him being in office.)
 It's entirely possible. However, I'm seeing a trend here and it's called diversion. Media blitz. Yada Yada.... Katie is and was in a position of power. Her Intellect put her there. Do we really want to believe that she would not have come forward when this was happening 14 years ago? Her salary was 15 million a year. 
I for one cannot believe that a woman in her position, or any position of power; ie: the rest we are reading about right now, would not speak up. She did stories on victims, and was one herself? I smell B.S. Why now? What's the benefit? The statue of limitations on Sexual assault in New York, (where the Today show is filmed) is 5 years. So this becomes a civil suit if true. In Virginia where Couric lives however the statue is 20 years. So this begs the question, why come forth now. 

I'm sorry folks, I just don't buy into this media frenzy of Sexual miss conduct. Do I think it happens? Yes, do I think the women that are coming forward now have had it happen to them? I just can't say. It's all allegation at this point, and I don't believe that anyone should be fired before a fair and impartial trial. IF that is, charges are even going to be filed. I also know that had it been sexual miss-conduct with me 30 years ago when I worked for Steve, you can bet your sweet ass I would have filed charges and pursued them. Then, not now. 

I've raised 3 boys, and if I ever caught wind of sexual miss conduct from them against a co-worker I would be the 1st to stand up for her. My boys would get a boot up their you know what for it too, along with any charges from the woman. 

I'll say this, what I do believe is how a man treats his mother is how he'll treat a woman.  I'd be interested to know what Matt Lauer's relationship with his mother was. 

Class war; the Division that will always exist.

I'll start this by taking a look at our current President. Donald Trump. Self made man, self made Billionaire. New money; as opposed to old money. Is he accepted in the hierarchy of blue bloods? The answer is no. No, he is not. He's allowed a certain standing, but a precarious one. If we were to strip him of his money and title, who would he be. 

I digress, this is not really all about Trump. In 2016, the year of Brexit and Trump, two pieces of data, neglected by the shrewdest of establishment analysts, Tells the story That in the U.S. , more than 1/2 of  Americans could not qualify to buy the cheapest car on the market. The Nissan Versa Sedan, priced at just a little over 12,000.00  According to Federal Reserve data. Meanwhile in the U.K, 40% of families were using credit and food banks. 

The elites readiness to ignore widening class divisions and replace them with class blind identity politics has been the greatest gift to toxic populism. 

Hating to recognize the intensified class war, the vast public bangs its head on conspiracy theories and Russian influence with bursts of misogyny, the flow of migrants, and the rise of the machine, ect. Meanwhile the fears are correlated with the militant parochialism fueling Trump and Brexit. These, only tangential to the deeper cause. Class war against the poor. (Which we spoke of with the car affordability in the U.S and the credit dependent U.K. This is all propaganda to further turn you're head away from the classes. 

Politicians love division, and if they can get our attention in area's of less importance, while lining their coffers, so much the better. 

You see, they don't care about us. They do not care about affordable health care, Social Security, or retirement. They do not care that we might possibly live on the streets, or go without food. It's just data to them, and we, "the people" buy into it. It then perpetuates itself. 

Does it matter what kind of car you drive, or where you live? What kind of education you had, or how you got it? What about the clothes you wear, or even the state you are in? Have you asked where your taxes go, or do you blindly allow the government to tell you where they went, with no proof, no accountability. 

I like to think, that I can put on a million dollar outfit, and attend a benefit with a 35,000 dollar a plate entrance, and no one would be the wiser about my background. 30 years ago, I could have. Maybe not so much now. I come from middle class America, which no longer exists, and live below poverty level. You would not think that, to look at me, or talk with me. So does the division really exists? 

In 2008, the financial collapse of the market, and subsequent recession buried the dream of class equality. Yet the liberals ignored the the fact that there were huge losses incurred by the quasi-criminal financial sector, that were cynically transferred to a working class they thought no longer mattered. "Polite society" seemed not to give a damn that it was now easier to get into Harvard or Cambridge, whether you were black or poor. It was blatantly ignored that identity politics could be as divisive as apartheid if allowed to act as a lever for overlooking class conflict. 

Just recently, The University of Colorado set aside 3 buildings housing students, for all Asian, all Blacks and  LGBTQ students. So what happened? Now we have not only division of class, we have taken a step back in time and have a division of race. What I find even more interesting is that it was the students themselves that requested this division. Since the inauguration of President Trump; everything we have worked for in America, stood for in America, and fought for in America has come full circle.

Trump has had no compunction to speak clearly of class division. It has largely been ignored although deceitfully. Predictably, the embrace of the working class by Trump and the Brexiteers was always going to arm them with electoral power that, sooner or later, would be deployed against working-class interests and, of course, minorities — always the penchant of populism in power, from the 1930s to today.

 

Suicide; before and after

This is one of the toughest subjects out there; because there are no answers. 

Suicide. I've known 3 young boys that have taken this step in the past year. 

Words are meaningless, and being a person who rely's on words to express my thoughts, I didn't have many. Not when it happened, not after it happened, and certainly not during the telling of it. 

I went to a viewing today, and as I sat with the mother of this young boy who died, I thought, "grief" what is it. What does it mean? I drew a blank. Like the look in his mother's eye's as she went through the motions of tending to her family. Minus one. His father, greeting people, and repeating the same thing, over and over. Thank you for coming, please light a candle, I'm sorry if I'm being rude, I need to greet people. 

I heard his wife say, you be you, and I'll be me. But who are they now? After this young boy had blessed their lives with his grace and love. Daniel was 15. He loved music, and animals. He loved his friends, and family. On the surface, he was generally a happy kid. Hiking, camping, playing. He was a gamer, a musician, a brother and a son.  He was a normal teenager, with normal teen angst. But somewhere along the line, he got lost. 


I believe the spirits of these young men who have been lost to the tangible world are still with us. I do not believe that these things happened through any fault of the parents of these children, nor friends, or school officials. Its been a little over a week since I went to this viewing, and I still have no words. 

As a parent myself, I fear the pain of this kind of loss, and can only sit back helplessly as other parents go through this and attempt to carry on as if life was still normal. But it is not.... not for them, and not for anyone close to them. I find myself attempting to start a conversation with the parent's. Thought out in advance in my head, and nothing seems appropriate. Everything is trite. Flat, as I imagine it is for them. Words hold no meaning. We take them out and analyze them, yet there is nothing cohesive. Nothing to put the word together and make it mean something. 

I think about the 1st's; 1st Christmas, 1st birthday, 1st everything. How do you get through this, knowing a piece is missing. Getting up and facing the day because there is no other choice. Stumbling through,  acting as if nothing is wrong, but everything is. 

31 years ago, My best friend in the whole world lost her 15 year old son. My godson.  I was on the search and rescue for him. I really did not know how she did it, getting through all these things, going back to life again. I asked her this past week, and the only thing she could put her finger on was life. Her life, her 2nd son's life. She said the 1st few years after loosing Tim were a blur, as I imagine it will be for Daniel's family. Things will cut you and make you bleed, memories will make you want to curl into a fetal position and never come out of it. But the human spirit is stronger than we realize, and for the parent's of these lost boys, they will also find a way to get through In their own time. 

I want to tell Daniel's family that they will make it. Yet  I don't know how. I want to say to the other 2 boys family the same thing, and again, do not know how. So in this, maybe this is one of the 1st answer's we really have, these lost boys did not know how to tell someone how they felt. The words they may have used would be flat, and hold no meaning. There was nothing tangible for them to point to and say, this is why I did this. This is why. And maybe this will be the 1st step in the healing process for them.

Warning signs of suicide

• Talking about wanting to die
• Looking for a way to kill oneself
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
• Acting anxious, agitated or recklessly
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Withdrawing or feeling isolated
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
• Displaying extreme mood swings

What to do

If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide:

• Do not leave the person alone.
• Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.
• Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or send a text to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
• Take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional.

Most people who die by suicide grapple with mental health or substance abuse, or both, although sometimes those conditions go un-diagnosed. In 2015, suicide was the second leading case of death among 15- to 35-year-olds in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The number of suicides that year, 44,193, dwarfed the number of homicides, 17,793.

I'm choosing not to use photos in this piece, because I don't feel that photo's belong to this story. Photo's do not belong to the term Suicide. A voice does. And word's can become a voice. 

This is dedicated to Daniel, and his family. May god surround you with his love and peace, and may Daniel fly with the Angels. 

Please; If you can,  make a donation in Daniel's name to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Corporate careers should not come in two flavors; his and her's.

30 years ago, I started my career in the food and beverage industry.  (Even though I wanted a career in Law enforcement) Waitressing in a local club. This was just one of many jobs I would have getting to my final goal.  I say club, because back then, the focus was the alcohol for money, not the food. Food was only on the menu because of the liquor laws.  I learned within 6 months that this is not where I wanted to be. I had no patience for people. Period. My perception was, they were like drunk 2 year old's. 

About the 6 month mark, I had a table that had 6 or 7 guys at it. They all knew the owner. One in-particular I ended up cutting off.  Of course he was not pleased with this, and proceeded to put his hand up my skirt on my return to the table with drinks for the others. All of them finding this hilarious, although they could see I was seething. I turned to the guy who had done this and dumped my entire tray, (about 27 drinks in all) on his head. Chaos ensued. My girlfriend who was the bartender, came rushing out to pull me off the floor, and the owner of course had rushed down to apologize to his friends, and get them more drinks.   

Jennifer got me a drink and pulled me to the side, and then talked to the owner while I was calming down. She came back and asked if I wanted to work the door. I said yes. The term bouncer was used back then and the protocol was a lot different than it is now, but that is what I was. 

The rest of that story is a hazy memory these days, but the point was, I ended up in the security industry from then on. (My dream to go into law enforcement was on hold due to other things happening in my life. 

So the story goes, Security became my career. My start was that 1st local club, and then more local clubs, due to how good I was, and then along with recommendations from the liquor board, I went to private security. 

Now, in the security industry, there were not many women at all. I was one of 3 that I knew of at the time, and the other two did not pursue this. I was up against men for local jobs but because of my gender, I ended up with some pretty cush positions and wages. My ceiling was 16.00 an hour and that was then. (more than I am making now, (working food and beverage) and the same in that particular field) 

When people 1st realized what I did for a living, they were like, no way! How do you do that? Aren't you scared of getting hurt, or getting into fights? My answer to all this was no. The reasoning was because I am female, the expected is no longer the norm. Men fight, not women. So I was the un expected element in this industry. I had 2 incident reports in 20 years of doing this, compared to men, who had 1 -2 a night or weekend. 

I'm back in the food and beverage industry, and it's taken me less than 2 months to realize, again, this is not where I want to be. Let's face it, people are A**holes, and if I were to go back to security, I can throw them out. (for the most part) 

What I have noticed in the job I am in right now, is that if there is any conflict, either internal with co-workers or with the general public, we (women) do not have the power, or confidence to take a stand on what is right or wrong according to club policy. (or Casino) where ever you may be. It's a strange feeling to be back under an invisible ceiling after 30 years of having a semblance of control in your position. You literally feel suffocated and like you cannot contribute to making you're current position feel like you are on a team. 

In chatting with other women in this field they also feel the same way I do. When I bring this up with men in these positions, they have no idea what I'm talking about. They do not feel like I do, as if I am running to the boss to tattle, or to solve an issue that cannot be solved alone. There is an atmosphere of being stifled. Feelings that if something is brought up, or mentioned, then my job is at risk. 

It's the supervisor's position to create an atmosphere conducive to good moral and teamwork. Not to allow one that makes you feel like a 2 year old when an issue cannot be solved on your own. 

In my current position, I have come across 2 co-workers, that feel the need to constantly put me on edge. If I were in security, I would not be feeling this way. I'd have my game back. I would be able to work freely without fear of retribution or job loss. The difference between being a man and a woman in these fields, are glaringly noticeable, yet nothing is done about this, even 30 years later. 

Women will always have a ceiling, whereas men will not. I would think in this day and age, that invisible line would have long since been blurred and washed away. So, with that said. No, we are not equals, and I don't believe we ever will be. No matter what we do. I think there will be a select few, who disregard that line, but it will still be there. I'd dearly love to be the one that can erase this line, and I am sure there are also many women who feel the same. The only thing I can do is write about it, and hope that enough people, men and women, read it and spread the word. Policy and protocol should be the same for all of us. 

Let's talk about customer service.

Growing up we were taught manners. It did not matter if we were in the public or not. 

Going to a restaurant, even though the waitresses and waiter's are paid, short of removing glasses and plates, we cleaned up after ourselves.  We took pride in how we were in the public, and it showed. If a napkin was dropped we picked it up. If we spilled food or drink, we cleaned it up. We did not leave this for the waiter or waitress. We also left hefty tips, for good service, knowing that these are what they depended on the most. 

As I grew older, I ended up in the customer service industry myself. I started as a cocktail waitress.  Back in the 80's, we had a very high standard when it came to the customer. We still do, but I have found that the appreciation for what we do is no longer there. 

It seems as if the general public has a expectation that we wait on them regardless of our wage or tip. Most jobs that entail getting tips are not just a person standing behind the cash registrar and taking you're order. We also clean up when you leave, making sure you have condiments, coffee, tea, cups sauces, pop, water,  and more. On top of picking up after you once you have left the table.  and we are on our feet for 8 hours straight at a minimum. 

I have watched over the years, how customer service has changed on both sides. We still get minimum wage, and we still do an incredible amount of work, but now we get less and less in the tip jar. I think an expectation has come about that because the public does not see the side work we do, (apparently thinking it is elves in the middle of the night that do it) we no longer get the appreciation we used to. Customers these days can be thoughtless, as well as employees who don't really care, but the majority of us do. It's why we do what we do. 

I'm hoping to clear up this miss conception that all we do is stand behind a registrar.  I'd like the general public to stop and think a moment about the service you receive, and the amount of work that goes into making sure your needs are met 100% and above. For very little money. 

We have a tip jar in front of us. It is there for a reason. Penny's from your change is an insult, and I know there are many times we would love dearly to shout it out about how rude this is, we stand there and take it, because we need the job, and even more important, some of us, probably the majority of us in this industry, truly do care about the service you receive. We've been doing this for many years, its a career for some of us. Let's acknowledge it for what it is. Just because some of us do not have degrees, and don't come in in business suits with 6 figure incomes, does not mean we like our jobs any less or more than you do. 

So for crying out loud. Tip! Even if it is 1.00. Thank you :) 

Holiday Tradition

From the time I was a little girl, Thanksgiving and Christmas were my favorite Holidays. 

Last Thanksgiving with mom and dad 

The house always smelled of firewood, candles, cinnamon  and baking. Mom always had the card table set up in the living room, to write to everyone she knew. I remember one year, when I realized we were getting older, was when her card list went from 500 to 300 pretty quick. People were doing form letters on the internet, and by email. 

Last time we were all together 

Every Thanksgiving, we had family over. Dad was from a family of 13 brother's and sisters, so we had lots of Aunts and Uncles, and cousins. Thanksgiving was always traded off too. We would do it at our home one year, then a Aunts home the next. There was always lot's of food. Usually a Ham, a Turkey, and sometimes a goose. Everyone brought pies and sweets, and stayed over night. 

At Christmas, we had friends in on Christmas Eve. Mary and Charlie usually. They were friends of my parents that came every year, and also brought gifts. We were allowed to open one gift Christmas eve and the stockings were left for morning before our parents got up. They both smoked, and that was the one time a year that mom allowed smoking in the house. For me, this smell combined with the warmth of candles and cooking was a great memory and every time I smell that now, it reminds me of then. 

Thanksgiving with Uncle Randy 

During my marriage, we did holidays the same way my parents did, and I tried to pass that down to my children. It was always a good time for me, and I wanted that for them. For years as they were growing up, I passed along the traditions of the holidays. We always use Grandma's China and Silver, and that too will be passed to my children at some point in their lives. 

As I got older, and we started going our separate ways during the holidays, hanging out with friends and surrogate family's that became our's along with our friends. My parents would visit friends more often than not as we always seemed to have other plans by the time we hit our late teens and 20's. 

My children are now doing the same. They are old enough to make their own plans, with friends, girlfriends and surrogate family's. I hope that one day that they will pass along some of our traditions to their own children. 

I miss a lot of the tradition these days, as my own children are older and going their own ways, but I get it and wish them all the love and happiness that I had during the holidays. 

Shopping tips; staying on budget.

As a single mother, budgeting and staying hip are not always conducive when it comes to shopping for a wardrobe. For myself, I have a love of  clothes with labels. (So, I'm going to share how I am able to make this happen) 

Jeans, True Religion, 70.00 Boots, Uggs, 2.00 manager special. 

It used to be, buying clothes 3 to 4 times a year, not only for style but for seasons also, was done at Walmart or Value Village. I still do Value Village, but I watch for labels and condition now. 

Top, Free People, 34.00 Shorts, Hot topics, 28 

I also watch for sales on-line at some of my favorite sites, True Religion, Free People, Buckle and American Eagle. 

Once I have purchased a few main pieces new, Jeans, 1-2 pairs, and a versatile jacket or sweater, I hit Value Village and accessorize. We also have a local store by the name of Platos, which carry's high end merchandise, covering you're entire wardrobe, all of it, from purses to shoes, second hand and tons cheaper than buying new. 

Faux Jacket, 18.00 Platos, Boots, 12.00 Value Village. 

Black Dress, vintage, 7.00 Black pumps,  5.00 Platos

Black is always a given in any ones closet. You are able to mix and match, to almost anything. Adding bold colors in jewelry and scarves helps you look fresh and new. Changing from a jacket to a vest or shrug can change your outfit from casual to business. Adding boots or heels can also change the look you want. 

My suggestion is always getting the basics in place 1st. 

Jeans/slacks 1 to 2 pairs, 

T-shirt/Blouse 2 to 4 sets. 

Tank tops, and shorts, 2 -3 pairs. 

AND always have the requisite little black dress.

Shoe requirement, 2 pairs of Boots, A sexy pump, and a pair of black high heels. All these can be mixed and match to each outfit to change the look you want for that day. Business or casual. 

Also, one pair of practical, (I hate practical, its so boring) for everyday use. Your choice. 

Then, Accessorize!! Scarves, hats, gloves, Jewelry and more. Be creative.  

Shopping the way I do, I am able to keep my wardrobe fresh, new and it's lasts at least a year, before I buy again. 

Look for second hand stores in your town, hit the sales on-line, and outlet malls are always fun! 

Stay in Style, on a budget. 

Memoir of a single mother

Last photo of my family when we still had our house. In the front, Myself, and 2 granddaughter. Alexis, and Taytum. and back row; left to right, Jacob, Gabe, Krystal, and Antony. 

I was a single mother 4 years before I knew it. 

The one thing I want you to understand is, that you are getting a woman who has felt radically separated from most of the ideas that seem to interest people in this day and age. A woman who lost the slight faith she had in the social contract. 

Last photo of my family with my parents, since loosing the house. 

I never thought of  myself as a single mom. To me,  that had negative connotations, and my life was anything but negative. Did I struggle? Yes. Was it difficult at times? Yes. But the "single" term never entered my mind, nor my world. I had my parents, and family. I certainly never thought that I raised my children on my own. I was the primary caregiver, but I was never entirely on my own. 

When I was married, or the last few years of the marriage, I realized it was not a good one, but not able to pinpoint why.  Not in the marriage and not in the world in general. This comprehension came after I was divorced. Once I looked back at the marriage, I get like I had been in my own insular world. Whereas the outside world acted and thought differently than I did. 

My children, at the time, were 15, 11, 10, and 9. I suddenly found myself without the presence of a partner on a daily basis. I made some poor decisions right after my divorce. 1st in men, then in lifestyle. Going out, meeting people, engaging in the music scene again. Some of this I regret, but not all of it. 

One choice I was forced to make, was leaving the family home and splitting my children up. I had promised my oldest I would not leave him, and yet that is exactly what I did. Unfortunately it was through no fault of my own. This choice however, made him grow up faster than I wanted. 

Antony, my oldest son. I always had to fight for him. There was strife between his father and I, so the courts intervened through the years. The same for my granddaughter Alexis whom we had custody of. When I met and married their stepfather, I thought, at the time, this is good, They need this bond. They needed the stability that marriage afforded. The betrayal of that bond devastated both these kids. More than I knew, but did suspect. 

Jacob and Gabriel, my two middle son's, were Paul's children, but the betrayal was still the same for them. I had Gabe, my youngest at the time, caught in the middle of this nasty split. Caught in the middle of me, going a little bit crazy, but still trying for the facade of looking put together. I wrote a lot during the next 3 years after the divorce. 

My writing was about processing things that had not yet happened. It was a way to deal with things to come. My children growing up in a broken home. Moving on with their own lives and the loss and grief I went through, not having what my parents had. Separation, sorrow, pain and loss. A lot of it being dark because it was a dark time for me. 

Through all this, I fought to keep my family together. The impact the divorce had on all of us, was complete chaos. We had no anchor. There was no cohesive record of our time, because time then was not cohesive.  

Somehow, my children have survived this pretty well intact. Even with failed parenting techniques, they have come out the other side of our time together, as productive young men, with admirable goals and dreams, that make me a proud Mother. 

The great debate

The 2nd Amendment

The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." 

This language has sparked considerable debate regarding the scope of the Amendment. 

I started this blog post last year after the Arianna Grande concert. My teenage son had made a post that this was not the platform to have the great debate on. Guns don't kill people, people kill people. I made a remark, and from there several of his peers, also around 15 years of age, started to comment. 

One girl decided that she was going to debate with me on assault rifles. She stated that regular people do not need them, to which I agreed. However, she followed up with the idea of abolishing guns period., NO, and here's why, which really has nothing to do with the "rights" we have. 

Abolishing guns will not stop people from getting them. Taking away rights will not stop people from getting them. It's why they are called criminals. There will always be guns to be had. 

The tragic massacre at the Jason Aldean concert in Las Vegas last evening brings the rhetoric back into the conversations. I understand people are scared. Terrified, and the one's who go through these tragedy's are even more so. So lets really think about this. 

Will restricting gun laws, and our basic rights solve the problem. No, and here's why. At the risk of repeating myself, criminals will ALWAYS find a way. Now, I also realize that the shooter had no criminal back ground to speak of, BUT, his father did, and that can play a key roll in someone's mental health. 

Raised by his mother, a father who was in and out of his life, and subsequent divorce. These are all things that can contribute to a persons state of mind. 

Here's my suggestion before people get on their soap box over this one. We have to go through a back ground test to have a CWP. What we do not have to do is take and MMPI test. 

Most people probably are not even aware of what that is unless they have worked in the security industry. It is a definitive test that tells the giver of a persons state of mind.

The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory(MMPI) is a psychological test that assesses personality traits and psychopathology. It is primarily intended to test people who are suspected of having mental health or other clinical issues.

These are just thoughts from a upstanding citizen who owns guns, and has worked in the security industry. It might not be the answer, and I am sure we will have someone out there screaming about their rights to personal medical history, but it's the only answer I have at the moment. One that I have not seen brought up in any previous gun debate. 

My Prayers go out to the families and victims of the Las Vegas shooting. 

Peace~ Kat 

A call to action/The Puerto Rico crisis

The articles we write are backed by fact, usually with a link to a credible news source, or other data that is public. For this one though, all I am finding is "opinion", from both political party's that seem to be slinging mud at each other like 2 year old's. 

Amidst all the news, fake or not, the "Trump international golf course" is being raised, over and over, and I am unable to find real data from 2008 when Trump stepped in. So what I can see, or discern, is, numbers are wrong, (it was not 100 million in debt) and there is not a news article that can show actual data. It's all surmised. Like, where did the number come from? Show the source people. Credible news. What makes this anymore credible than anything else?  Here is a news article from September 30th, from the Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2017/09/30/did-president-trump-add-33-million-to-puerto-ricos-debt-by-bankrupting-a-golf-course-there/?utm_term=.c573e8dbd2a9

So that said, how about we leave the politics out of this natural disaster? Where is the humanitarian in this? Certainly not Trump, or the other politician's who are on the hill arguing about this while people are dying. 

Why is this an argument? There are people dying. Why are we allowing this. Why do we need a go ahead from Trump to drop aide over there, or go in and help? Where is the American Effort? During the flooding in Texas, I saw my own friends, use their own money to fly down and help with rescue efforts. Why is this not a trending topic on all the major websites? Facebook,  Instagram, twitter, ect?  

Facebook is always rife with political posts and opinions about whats going on in this world. So why am I not seeing my timeline saturated with posts of Puerto Rico. Whats different? God, this makes me so angry. Puerto Rico is a U.S Territory, and I see B.S on standing or kneeling? Where is the bravado now? Are you afraid to step out of the comfort zone of what you stand for?  Oh, I get that there are political issues with the NFL, why, I don't know. No one can keep anything simple! Leave the politics out of it. PEOPLE ARE DYING! 

You know what I see? Genocide, although you won't catch ANY news paper or article writing those words. Scary thought huh? We have Americans over there. They are Americans over there. It's a U.S. Territory, and why am I saying that? Does it matter if they are American? They are Human!! Yes, genocide is a strong word, but I call a spade a spade, and that is what I see. The "American" over there that are from the states are acceptable casualties. << I assume?

I wonder if a "credible" source wrote those actual words, "Genocide"  and the article landed on Trumps lap, would the outcome be different? Would the people be helped? I wonder, if this was Ivanka, or Melanie over there, would he do something then? We have always had 1st lady's that work for humanitarian efforts. Why in all this rhetoric have I not heard the voice of Ivanka? 

Unfortunately we have a President right now who is all about war, and not one iota about saving anyone. Those are the hard facts. Either we accept that, and bow down, or we change it in the next elections.  Right now we have no strong democrat against the republican party, so it's all about keeping their jobs. Do you get that people? The Democratic party right now is more concerned with not pissing off Trump than saving lives in Puerto Rico. 

I really don't have a lot on this subject. I am appalled. I am ashamed to be in a country that would allow this to happen, yet, proud to be able to say I have the freedom to write what I want. 

The addiction Epidemic

I had thought to title this, "Opioid vs Heroin Epidemic", but in doing a little research, I changed my mind. 

This is a long fought battle between legitimate chronic pain sufferers and what the medical community labels "drug seekers".  

In presenting this argument, I'm going to draw off my own experience, and "statistics" aka propaganda.  (believe what you want if it makes you feel better) 

I watched a documentary last night on NetFlix. Dr. Feelgood. "The reason a Doctor is a Doctor is to make people feel better". William Elliot Hurwitz.  In 2003 he was convicted of drug trafficking and sentenced to 25 years in prison. He was vilified in the press, and called the Doctor of Death. 

Interesting enough, I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder in 2001. Retro peritoneal Fybrosis  (You guys can look this one up. I'm not doing all the legwork for you)  By 2002, after having been told I would die if I did not follow the treatment my care team prescribed, I was raising 4 children, 5 and under. 

I was taking Tamoxifin, which is oral chemotherapy, dilaudid 4mg every 4 hours, morphine ER 15mg every 12 hours, Sublingual morphine 20mg every 1/2 hour, Vicodin 1500mg, 2 every 4 hours. At one point, my Doctor had also prescribed 80mg oxycontin, although that did nothing for me...I took it back to him, and he laughed. "Do you know the street value of this stuff?"  I did not, so he told me. A buck a milligram. That's 80.00 a pill. "Most people would kill to have this amount prescribed", He said. 

Anyway, Quite the cocktail I was on. 

By 2003, I had decided that I was tired of the medicines and stopped them all. Oh boy was my Doctor mad! You could have killed yourself he said.  I saw nothing wrong with what I had done. I was long past the date they said I would die, and even though I was still dealing with pain, I just didn't feel the need for such high doses. I wanted quality time with my kids, but I also wanted to go back to work. After about 5 weeks of having no pain meds, I went back to my Doctor, and requested pain management. After taking the required test to prove I was not an addict, I had my Doctor put me on 15mg ER morphine, 1 every 12 hours, and up to 3 Vicodin's 500mg  a day for breakthrough as needed. Over the years, I would go on this management plan for 3 to 6 months, and then go off for 6 months to a year. . I never built a tolerance to require more. But, in saying this, according to FDA standards, I'm a potential addict. 

Now we come to 

stattistics; https://www.fda.gov/AboutFDA/Transparency/Basics/ucm269834.htm https://www.fda.gov/AboutFDA/Transparency/Basics/ucm269834.htm 

You'll find in the link above that there is a standard protocol that the FDA uses to show the public the "dangers of potential addiction". 

If you read how this is done, it does nothing less than boggle the mind. Anyone with any level of intelligence is left with more questions than answers. 

For instance; we know that addiction is inherited. We know the science of that and have an understanding of the pitfalls if there is addiction in the family. So why are we testing lab rats, and then moving on to humans? Speaking of that, how many humans are we testing to throw a blanket number at the population and then say that this is what's going to happen? 

So it is said, that one in 7 people suffer addiction. 1 in 3 suffer chronic pain. This according to FDA and other data that has been collected in the last 10 years. 

In 2014, I started experiencing very extreme stomach pain. At the worst it would double me over. I went through a surgery and it went away for about a month. Then it came back. I kept returning to my Doctor and finally went back in for pain management. I was back on a low dose again, but it was barely touching the pain. I was working, but missing work frequently. I had not been on pain management since the mid 2000's. Then my insurance changed, and in the midst of that happening, we had the government regulating the prescription drug industry in a huge way. This was impacting everyone. I had several conversations with my Doctor about treatment, however, we really did not have a diagnosis to treat. He was scared, so it left me hanging, and in pain. By January 2017, my stomach pain had increased again. I was schedules for a biopsy. 

Here is the interesting thing. When I was being prepped, and getting ready for surgery. My surgeon came in, and said, "hey, did you know that it was reported in the New York Times, that they had just discovered that the Mesentery was a separate organ.  Coincidentally, the organ they were doing a biopsy on. I looked at him, and said, "Did you not take biology in med school?" "You guys just figured this out?" "What about bisecting cadavers?" "Wow". The whole time I am thinking, great, this idiot does not even know what hes doing.  Post op, I was treated for pain the 1st 7 days. 

By February, I had a diagnosis. Mesenteric Panniculitus. Originally named the screaming disease https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/mesenteric-panniculitis/

So, did I get treatment options? uh huh, yep. Tamoxifin, or, wait for it... Azothioprine. I wanted neither. I do not have a spleen, and no, I never had a spleen-ectomy. Azathioprine is an auto immune suppressant, which if I took, puts me in a higher risk group because of not having a spleen, and of course we already know what Tamoxifin is by my earlier diagnosis. Pain meds? OUT OF THE QUESTION! Why? Because Uncle Sam has decided he knows whats best for us. Shouldn't it be my choice what my treatments are? Why would I stay on a medicine that would have to be taken for the rest of my life, and put my self at higher risk for more disease and more infection, rather than taking a low dose pain management, to allow me a decent quality of life, which we already know by history works for me, when in the end, either the disease kills me, or the long term use of ANY medicine would kill me. Why has the government taken away MY choice at a better life?

We have a heroin epidemic in this country. Why? Well, the government would have you believe that it stems from the over prescribed opioids. So let me ask you this; Where does heroin come from? It's not from here. Its shipped in. It's not made here, and there is no medical use for it. We do know that morphine sets off the same nuero transmitters in the brain that respond to heroin. It's called dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical that makes you feel good. Is it the same as heroin? Of course not, or everyone in America would be an addict. We also know addiction is a gene. Then begs the question, is it just the gene, or is it social or economic back ground that contributes to the addiction. 

So what is addiction? What is considered the epidemic? Opioids or Heroin? What came 1st, the chicken or the egg? All of these things the government tells us is the Doctors fault, or the pharmaceutical company's fault. That is like me saying, I'm an alcoholic and it's your fault. I call bullshit. This country needs to stop being mamby pamby babies and start taking responsibility for themselves, and time for the government to get the hell out of our bedrooms and do their jobs by bringing down the cartels. 

Now we have this, http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/22/health/cvs-prescription-restrictions-opioids-bn/index.html

My question again, is why are we allowing the government to dictate what is best for us?