Holiday Tradition

From the time I was a little girl, Thanksgiving and Christmas were my favorite Holidays. 

Last Thanksgiving with mom and dad 

The house always smelled of firewood, candles, cinnamon  and baking. Mom always had the card table set up in the living room, to write to everyone she knew. I remember one year, when I realized we were getting older, was when her card list went from 500 to 300 pretty quick. People were doing form letters on the internet, and by email. 

Last time we were all together 

Every Thanksgiving, we had family over. Dad was from a family of 13 brother's and sisters, so we had lots of Aunts and Uncles, and cousins. Thanksgiving was always traded off too. We would do it at our home one year, then a Aunts home the next. There was always lot's of food. Usually a Ham, a Turkey, and sometimes a goose. Everyone brought pies and sweets, and stayed over night. 

At Christmas, we had friends in on Christmas Eve. Mary and Charlie usually. They were friends of my parents that came every year, and also brought gifts. We were allowed to open one gift Christmas eve and the stockings were left for morning before our parents got up. They both smoked, and that was the one time a year that mom allowed smoking in the house. For me, this smell combined with the warmth of candles and cooking was a great memory and every time I smell that now, it reminds me of then. 

Thanksgiving with Uncle Randy 

During my marriage, we did holidays the same way my parents did, and I tried to pass that down to my children. It was always a good time for me, and I wanted that for them. For years as they were growing up, I passed along the traditions of the holidays. We always use Grandma's China and Silver, and that too will be passed to my children at some point in their lives. 

As I got older, and we started going our separate ways during the holidays, hanging out with friends and surrogate family's that became our's along with our friends. My parents would visit friends more often than not as we always seemed to have other plans by the time we hit our late teens and 20's. 

My children are now doing the same. They are old enough to make their own plans, with friends, girlfriends and surrogate family's. I hope that one day that they will pass along some of our traditions to their own children. 

I miss a lot of the tradition these days, as my own children are older and going their own ways, but I get it and wish them all the love and happiness that I had during the holidays. 

Shopping tips; staying on budget.

As a single mother, budgeting and staying hip are not always conducive when it comes to shopping for a wardrobe. For myself, I have a love of  clothes with labels. (So, I'm going to share how I am able to make this happen) 

Jeans, True Religion, 70.00 Boots, Uggs, 2.00 manager special. 

It used to be, buying clothes 3 to 4 times a year, not only for style but for seasons also, was done at Walmart or Value Village. I still do Value Village, but I watch for labels and condition now. 

Top, Free People, 34.00 Shorts, Hot topics, 28 

I also watch for sales on-line at some of my favorite sites, True Religion, Free People, Buckle and American Eagle. 

Once I have purchased a few main pieces new, Jeans, 1-2 pairs, and a versatile jacket or sweater, I hit Value Village and accessorize. We also have a local store by the name of Platos, which carry's high end merchandise, covering you're entire wardrobe, all of it, from purses to shoes, second hand and tons cheaper than buying new. 

Faux Jacket, 18.00 Platos, Boots, 12.00 Value Village. 

Black Dress, vintage, 7.00 Black pumps,  5.00 Platos

Black is always a given in any ones closet. You are able to mix and match, to almost anything. Adding bold colors in jewelry and scarves helps you look fresh and new. Changing from a jacket to a vest or shrug can change your outfit from casual to business. Adding boots or heels can also change the look you want. 

My suggestion is always getting the basics in place 1st. 

Jeans/slacks 1 to 2 pairs, 

T-shirt/Blouse 2 to 4 sets. 

Tank tops, and shorts, 2 -3 pairs. 

AND always have the requisite little black dress.

Shoe requirement, 2 pairs of Boots, A sexy pump, and a pair of black high heels. All these can be mixed and match to each outfit to change the look you want for that day. Business or casual. 

Also, one pair of practical, (I hate practical, its so boring) for everyday use. Your choice. 

Then, Accessorize!! Scarves, hats, gloves, Jewelry and more. Be creative.  

Shopping the way I do, I am able to keep my wardrobe fresh, new and it's lasts at least a year, before I buy again. 

Look for second hand stores in your town, hit the sales on-line, and outlet malls are always fun! 

Stay in Style, on a budget. 

Memoir of a single mother

Last photo of my family when we still had our house. In the front, Myself, and 2 granddaughter. Alexis, and Taytum. and back row; left to right, Jacob, Gabe, Krystal, and Antony. 

I was a single mother 4 years before I knew it. 

The one thing I want you to understand is, that you are getting a woman who has felt radically separated from most of the ideas that seem to interest people in this day and age. A woman who lost the slight faith she had in the social contract. 

Last photo of my family with my parents, since loosing the house. 

I never thought of  myself as a single mom. To me,  that had negative connotations, and my life was anything but negative. Did I struggle? Yes. Was it difficult at times? Yes. But the "single" term never entered my mind, nor my world. I had my parents, and family. I certainly never thought that I raised my children on my own. I was the primary caregiver, but I was never entirely on my own. 

When I was married, or the last few years of the marriage, I realized it was not a good one, but not able to pinpoint why.  Not in the marriage and not in the world in general. This comprehension came after I was divorced. Once I looked back at the marriage, I get like I had been in my own insular world. Whereas the outside world acted and thought differently than I did. 

My children, at the time, were 15, 11, 10, and 9. I suddenly found myself without the presence of a partner on a daily basis. I made some poor decisions right after my divorce. 1st in men, then in lifestyle. Going out, meeting people, engaging in the music scene again. Some of this I regret, but not all of it. 

One choice I was forced to make, was leaving the family home and splitting my children up. I had promised my oldest I would not leave him, and yet that is exactly what I did. Unfortunately it was through no fault of my own. This choice however, made him grow up faster than I wanted. 

Antony, my oldest son. I always had to fight for him. There was strife between his father and I, so the courts intervened through the years. The same for my granddaughter Alexis whom we had custody of. When I met and married their stepfather, I thought, at the time, this is good, They need this bond. They needed the stability that marriage afforded. The betrayal of that bond devastated both these kids. More than I knew, but did suspect. 

Jacob and Gabriel, my two middle son's, were Paul's children, but the betrayal was still the same for them. I had Gabe, my youngest at the time, caught in the middle of this nasty split. Caught in the middle of me, going a little bit crazy, but still trying for the facade of looking put together. I wrote a lot during the next 3 years after the divorce. 

My writing was about processing things that had not yet happened. It was a way to deal with things to come. My children growing up in a broken home. Moving on with their own lives and the loss and grief I went through, not having what my parents had. Separation, sorrow, pain and loss. A lot of it being dark because it was a dark time for me. 

Through all this, I fought to keep my family together. The impact the divorce had on all of us, was complete chaos. We had no anchor. There was no cohesive record of our time, because time then was not cohesive.  

Somehow, my children have survived this pretty well intact. Even with failed parenting techniques, they have come out the other side of our time together, as productive young men, with admirable goals and dreams, that make me a proud Mother. 

The great debate

The 2nd Amendment

The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." 

This language has sparked considerable debate regarding the scope of the Amendment. 

I started this blog post last year after the Arianna Grande concert. My teenage son had made a post that this was not the platform to have the great debate on. Guns don't kill people, people kill people. I made a remark, and from there several of his peers, also around 15 years of age, started to comment. 

One girl decided that she was going to debate with me on assault rifles. She stated that regular people do not need them, to which I agreed. However, she followed up with the idea of abolishing guns period., NO, and here's why, which really has nothing to do with the "rights" we have. 

Abolishing guns will not stop people from getting them. Taking away rights will not stop people from getting them. It's why they are called criminals. There will always be guns to be had. 

The tragic massacre at the Jason Aldean concert in Las Vegas last evening brings the rhetoric back into the conversations. I understand people are scared. Terrified, and the one's who go through these tragedy's are even more so. So lets really think about this. 

Will restricting gun laws, and our basic rights solve the problem. No, and here's why. At the risk of repeating myself, criminals will ALWAYS find a way. Now, I also realize that the shooter had no criminal back ground to speak of, BUT, his father did, and that can play a key roll in someone's mental health. 

Raised by his mother, a father who was in and out of his life, and subsequent divorce. These are all things that can contribute to a persons state of mind. 

Here's my suggestion before people get on their soap box over this one. We have to go through a back ground test to have a CWP. What we do not have to do is take and MMPI test. 

Most people probably are not even aware of what that is unless they have worked in the security industry. It is a definitive test that tells the giver of a persons state of mind.

The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory(MMPI) is a psychological test that assesses personality traits and psychopathology. It is primarily intended to test people who are suspected of having mental health or other clinical issues.

These are just thoughts from a upstanding citizen who owns guns, and has worked in the security industry. It might not be the answer, and I am sure we will have someone out there screaming about their rights to personal medical history, but it's the only answer I have at the moment. One that I have not seen brought up in any previous gun debate. 

My Prayers go out to the families and victims of the Las Vegas shooting. 

Peace~ Kat 

A call to action/The Puerto Rico crisis

The articles we write are backed by fact, usually with a link to a credible news source, or other data that is public. For this one though, all I am finding is "opinion", from both political party's that seem to be slinging mud at each other like 2 year old's. 

Amidst all the news, fake or not, the "Trump international golf course" is being raised, over and over, and I am unable to find real data from 2008 when Trump stepped in. So what I can see, or discern, is, numbers are wrong, (it was not 100 million in debt) and there is not a news article that can show actual data. It's all surmised. Like, where did the number come from? Show the source people. Credible news. What makes this anymore credible than anything else?  Here is a news article from September 30th, from the Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2017/09/30/did-president-trump-add-33-million-to-puerto-ricos-debt-by-bankrupting-a-golf-course-there/?utm_term=.c573e8dbd2a9

So that said, how about we leave the politics out of this natural disaster? Where is the humanitarian in this? Certainly not Trump, or the other politician's who are on the hill arguing about this while people are dying. 

Why is this an argument? There are people dying. Why are we allowing this. Why do we need a go ahead from Trump to drop aide over there, or go in and help? Where is the American Effort? During the flooding in Texas, I saw my own friends, use their own money to fly down and help with rescue efforts. Why is this not a trending topic on all the major websites? Facebook,  Instagram, twitter, ect?  

Facebook is always rife with political posts and opinions about whats going on in this world. So why am I not seeing my timeline saturated with posts of Puerto Rico. Whats different? God, this makes me so angry. Puerto Rico is a U.S Territory, and I see B.S on standing or kneeling? Where is the bravado now? Are you afraid to step out of the comfort zone of what you stand for?  Oh, I get that there are political issues with the NFL, why, I don't know. No one can keep anything simple! Leave the politics out of it. PEOPLE ARE DYING! 

You know what I see? Genocide, although you won't catch ANY news paper or article writing those words. Scary thought huh? We have Americans over there. They are Americans over there. It's a U.S. Territory, and why am I saying that? Does it matter if they are American? They are Human!! Yes, genocide is a strong word, but I call a spade a spade, and that is what I see. The "American" over there that are from the states are acceptable casualties. << I assume?

I wonder if a "credible" source wrote those actual words, "Genocide"  and the article landed on Trumps lap, would the outcome be different? Would the people be helped? I wonder, if this was Ivanka, or Melanie over there, would he do something then? We have always had 1st lady's that work for humanitarian efforts. Why in all this rhetoric have I not heard the voice of Ivanka? 

Unfortunately we have a President right now who is all about war, and not one iota about saving anyone. Those are the hard facts. Either we accept that, and bow down, or we change it in the next elections.  Right now we have no strong democrat against the republican party, so it's all about keeping their jobs. Do you get that people? The Democratic party right now is more concerned with not pissing off Trump than saving lives in Puerto Rico. 

I really don't have a lot on this subject. I am appalled. I am ashamed to be in a country that would allow this to happen, yet, proud to be able to say I have the freedom to write what I want. 

The addiction Epidemic

I had thought to title this, "Opioid vs Heroin Epidemic", but in doing a little research, I changed my mind. 

This is a long fought battle between legitimate chronic pain sufferers and what the medical community labels "drug seekers".  

In presenting this argument, I'm going to draw off my own experience, and "statistics" aka propaganda.  (believe what you want if it makes you feel better) 

I watched a documentary last night on NetFlix. Dr. Feelgood. "The reason a Doctor is a Doctor is to make people feel better". William Elliot Hurwitz.  In 2003 he was convicted of drug trafficking and sentenced to 25 years in prison. He was vilified in the press, and called the Doctor of Death. 

Interesting enough, I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder in 2001. Retro peritoneal Fybrosis  (You guys can look this one up. I'm not doing all the legwork for you)  By 2002, after having been told I would die if I did not follow the treatment my care team prescribed, I was raising 4 children, 5 and under. 

I was taking Tamoxifin, which is oral chemotherapy, dilaudid 4mg every 4 hours, morphine ER 15mg every 12 hours, Sublingual morphine 20mg every 1/2 hour, Vicodin 1500mg, 2 every 4 hours. At one point, my Doctor had also prescribed 80mg oxycontin, although that did nothing for me...I took it back to him, and he laughed. "Do you know the street value of this stuff?"  I did not, so he told me. A buck a milligram. That's 80.00 a pill. "Most people would kill to have this amount prescribed", He said. 

Anyway, Quite the cocktail I was on. 

By 2003, I had decided that I was tired of the medicines and stopped them all. Oh boy was my Doctor mad! You could have killed yourself he said.  I saw nothing wrong with what I had done. I was long past the date they said I would die, and even though I was still dealing with pain, I just didn't feel the need for such high doses. I wanted quality time with my kids, but I also wanted to go back to work. After about 5 weeks of having no pain meds, I went back to my Doctor, and requested pain management. After taking the required test to prove I was not an addict, I had my Doctor put me on 15mg ER morphine, 1 every 12 hours, and up to 3 Vicodin's 500mg  a day for breakthrough as needed. Over the years, I would go on this management plan for 3 to 6 months, and then go off for 6 months to a year. . I never built a tolerance to require more. But, in saying this, according to FDA standards, I'm a potential addict. 

Now we come to 

stattistics; https://www.fda.gov/AboutFDA/Transparency/Basics/ucm269834.htm https://www.fda.gov/AboutFDA/Transparency/Basics/ucm269834.htm 

You'll find in the link above that there is a standard protocol that the FDA uses to show the public the "dangers of potential addiction". 

If you read how this is done, it does nothing less than boggle the mind. Anyone with any level of intelligence is left with more questions than answers. 

For instance; we know that addiction is inherited. We know the science of that and have an understanding of the pitfalls if there is addiction in the family. So why are we testing lab rats, and then moving on to humans? Speaking of that, how many humans are we testing to throw a blanket number at the population and then say that this is what's going to happen? 

So it is said, that one in 7 people suffer addiction. 1 in 3 suffer chronic pain. This according to FDA and other data that has been collected in the last 10 years. 

In 2014, I started experiencing very extreme stomach pain. At the worst it would double me over. I went through a surgery and it went away for about a month. Then it came back. I kept returning to my Doctor and finally went back in for pain management. I was back on a low dose again, but it was barely touching the pain. I was working, but missing work frequently. I had not been on pain management since the mid 2000's. Then my insurance changed, and in the midst of that happening, we had the government regulating the prescription drug industry in a huge way. This was impacting everyone. I had several conversations with my Doctor about treatment, however, we really did not have a diagnosis to treat. He was scared, so it left me hanging, and in pain. By January 2017, my stomach pain had increased again. I was schedules for a biopsy. 

Here is the interesting thing. When I was being prepped, and getting ready for surgery. My surgeon came in, and said, "hey, did you know that it was reported in the New York Times, that they had just discovered that the Mesentery was a separate organ.  Coincidentally, the organ they were doing a biopsy on. I looked at him, and said, "Did you not take biology in med school?" "You guys just figured this out?" "What about bisecting cadavers?" "Wow". The whole time I am thinking, great, this idiot does not even know what hes doing.  Post op, I was treated for pain the 1st 7 days. 

By February, I had a diagnosis. Mesenteric Panniculitus. Originally named the screaming disease https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/mesenteric-panniculitis/

So, did I get treatment options? uh huh, yep. Tamoxifin, or, wait for it... Azothioprine. I wanted neither. I do not have a spleen, and no, I never had a spleen-ectomy. Azathioprine is an auto immune suppressant, which if I took, puts me in a higher risk group because of not having a spleen, and of course we already know what Tamoxifin is by my earlier diagnosis. Pain meds? OUT OF THE QUESTION! Why? Because Uncle Sam has decided he knows whats best for us. Shouldn't it be my choice what my treatments are? Why would I stay on a medicine that would have to be taken for the rest of my life, and put my self at higher risk for more disease and more infection, rather than taking a low dose pain management, to allow me a decent quality of life, which we already know by history works for me, when in the end, either the disease kills me, or the long term use of ANY medicine would kill me. Why has the government taken away MY choice at a better life?

We have a heroin epidemic in this country. Why? Well, the government would have you believe that it stems from the over prescribed opioids. So let me ask you this; Where does heroin come from? It's not from here. Its shipped in. It's not made here, and there is no medical use for it. We do know that morphine sets off the same nuero transmitters in the brain that respond to heroin. It's called dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical that makes you feel good. Is it the same as heroin? Of course not, or everyone in America would be an addict. We also know addiction is a gene. Then begs the question, is it just the gene, or is it social or economic back ground that contributes to the addiction. 

So what is addiction? What is considered the epidemic? Opioids or Heroin? What came 1st, the chicken or the egg? All of these things the government tells us is the Doctors fault, or the pharmaceutical company's fault. That is like me saying, I'm an alcoholic and it's your fault. I call bullshit. This country needs to stop being mamby pamby babies and start taking responsibility for themselves, and time for the government to get the hell out of our bedrooms and do their jobs by bringing down the cartels. 

Now we have this, http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/22/health/cvs-prescription-restrictions-opioids-bn/index.html

My question again, is why are we allowing the government to dictate what is best for us? 

Parenting 101 (I think hostage negotiation would be less stressful)

So, I was asked to write a blog on parenting. I literally thought the guy was messing with me, I am not the greatest parent and I have one child (not a child, she's grown now)  who considers me a devil mom.  

Before I write this, I'll add this caveat. I did not raise my oldest daughter, but I raised her 1st child. So Parenting, or good parenting is in the eye's of the child. 

There is no book on this. I was raised by wonderful parents, but did not think so until I was older. I swore to god, I would not give my children the rules that they gave me. (this sworn oath lasted all of 10 seconds, if that.) I took one look at my child and thought, oh no; there are bad people out there. I must protect them at all costs. 

I have 4 Children, my youngest being almost 16 now. Like I said, I did not raise my oldest, but raised her oldest. I have 3 boys of my own and my granddaughter. 

I was married twice. My oldest son's dad and I divorced when he was 2, and I married my other 2 boy's dad by the time he was 2 and a 1/2. 

I wanted my children to have the same advantages I had. A home, 2 parents, love, roots, and a rich up-bringing. (Not specifically meaning money) No child is the same. I know many parents that treat their children equally and that to me, is one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make. The 2nd biggest is thinking they are exactly like you. They are not. They may carry similar traits and even similar dreams, but that is not the same. 

One of my rules as my children were growing up was, "I meet the parents of friends". They hated this, but what I learned with that rule, is, kids need guidance. This was one of my parents rules. Even though my kids hated this, they did follow it, or they were stuck home. I had several smaller rules also, make your beds, pick up your toys, bring your laundry to the laundry room; ect. Again, all rules they hated, and took their time doing. That was OK. The idea was, they do it. Not in my time, but that it was done; period. 

Teaching my kids, responsibilities, integrity, honesty and humor was my main goal. I'll say too, humor is the number one advantage you will have getting through raising children. No matter what, they needed to learn these to become responsible productive adults. There were many trials and errors, as with anything in life, "shit" happens. Making mistakes is part of learning, for you and the child. They are not the mistake, and neither are you. 

Being a parent means having an address book full of names like "Lindsey, Ella's mom, it means on-line shopping because kids are jerks in a store, it means endless sleepless nights with sick children. It means, broken bones, emergency rooms, and Christmas mornings with family. It means having the beginning of every horror story start with, "So, I stepped away for like 3 seconds".  It means, panic, stress and fear. It also means joy and happiness,   Being a parent can be one of the most rewarding things you have ever done, just keep it in perspective. There is no right way or wrong way to do this. 

I am by no means the perfect parent, but I gave it the "ole" college try. My kids have grown up beautifully and all have dreams and goals that they are working towards. 

I guess the best advice I could give as a parent, is to let your child be who they want to be. It is their life, not yours, and they have to live it. Support them 100%, even if you do not agree with how or what they may be doing. Build their self-esteem, tell them you love them, and let them fly. They will. 

And don't worry. It all works out in the end.