Thursday, February 21, 2013

For my mother - Rebel Child - 2/22/25 - 3/19/12

My mother's 88th birthday would have been tomorrow. She passed last year, and I was fine. I knew she was in a good place, and happier. Now I am not so fine. I am missing her more this week than anytime since we laid her to rest.

I think we can cast people in our lives; almost assign them roles and then stop seeing them as they truly are. And when we sense something truly dark, something monstrous, we can pull a veil over our eyes...because to acknowledge that is to take responsibility. Once you know, you have to do something about it, and that can be the most frighting thing of all.

The phone call that day, although I knew, I knew the night before, came while I was driving down to see her. It was like Ice water on my face. I felt every nerve ending in my body come alive. I knew all about pulling the veil  over my eyes. I just didn't want to remove it.

My mother and I were not as close as we should have been growing up. I idolized my father, but mom was just mom, and in later years, we grew apart, in part due to my own life choices. My mother was an opera singer before she met my father and settled down. She studied at the Boston Conservatory of Music. Growing up with her, we always had music. All 3 of us were required to play piano, and later I did clarinet  and keyboards. 14 years total of private music lessons.

When I moved away from home at the age of 17, I hit the 1st job I could think of. A bar. Cocktail waitress. I hated it with a passion, and finally talked my boss into letting me do security. From there I stayed in the bar/music scene for almost 20 years, and went on to private security, then Government.

In 2001, a rare illness put me out of commission. 4 years of Chemo, and hard narcotics, and no cure. I was given a year at the time, but decided after stopping the chemo to say F*K you to the medical community and did it my own way. I'm still here. Every year since then I have dealt with one medical issue after another having to do with my original diagnosis. I was told that would be the case, and I fight each one individually.

Anyway, back to mom, and music. I picked Rebel Child for her, because I was her Rebel, but despite my life journey, I am still making it. After starting my on-line business 5 years prior to moms passing, and then shutting it down for the 2 years of the divorce, and move, and loosing mom in the middle of that, I wanted her to know, along with the support of my father that I am back, in business, and going to school, and doing good. Just missing her tremendously, because when she left us, I was not doing so well. I hope that she can see where things are going now, and her Rebel Child is doing well. I love you mom~ Peace~

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Subjective Memories

I've been thinking about this one for awhile...actually since a very dear friend of mine passed away last June. John was my best friend, my confidant, and the one I called on for every aspect of my life, and no matter where he was, he always walked me through it.  I have very few pictures of him, and those only from about 30 years ago. We always stayed in contact after he left this area, when he passed, he was on scholarship from Tulane University in Uganda. Anyway...this post is not about John. 

I had another friend of mine, a long time ago ask me why I used a 35mm camera. I didn't believe in digital. I felt that they were to fragile. As if getting caught in the rain or pushing the wrong button could erase your memories. This friend of mine thought there was something inherently wrong with taking pictures. Memory, he would say is "magical for it's subjectivity."  Photographs were crude and the direct result of a desire to control, to hold onto moments that should be released like each breath that we take. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was wrong. We're not friends anymore and I have no pictures of him. 

The point is this. If you don't know my life or what has happened in my life, we could go back and put it together with photographs. My mother and father kept thousands of photos of us growing up. I have boxes and boxes of photos, of my life, still yet to be put in albums. Are these subjective memories. or reality? Bottom line is, I love photo's, I love the memory's and moments that, when looking at them bring that place and time, and person back to me. 

So this is to all my photographer friends.  Scott McKinley, and Lani Linton, who have created some amazing memory's for me with their skills and expertise. , Bruce Campbell, and Joe Orsillo. (Sorry on links for these two) and Jeff Cook

and to all the amateur photographer's out there. Keep making memories. ~ Peace~ 

Monday, February 11, 2013

A beautiful mess

Alrighty then....

Another life change. Schooling starting back up full time, business full time, and of course, doing the mom thing. 

1st, we'll address the schooling. Short and sweet. I am attending on-line classes through the I.S.A (International School of Antiques) This is to get my appraisers license.  3 years of it... maybe not so short. Ha!  One year in London on apprenticeship. 

2nd, having recently decided to put both feet back in my business, instead of the one that has been there the past 2 years while I had my second childhood, I have now opened both my stores back up and I am up loading product daily. 

Caveat: The one thing I will tell any one new to my blog, that has not followed me, nor read my writings, I am usually all over the map. Business, personal, opinionated, and frankly, out there on occasion, but always a fun read, or so I am told. 

3rd....being a mom.............all this and heaven too. Yea, this is going to be one hell of a ride for the next 3 years, and not quite sure how it is all going to land, but there you have it. 

All this and more for the small price of your time, to shout out your opinion on how my life is going. You have to love it though. 

I am never one to sit back and mope about what someone may or may not think of me. I try my damnedest not to be hypocritical, however that does not always work, I'm human and have my failings too. 

That being said, bring it on ladies and gents. I've handled a lot in the last 2 years. I can go so far as to say I have handled a lot in the last 11...and I'm still standing. 

Love and peace.