My Muse
Thursday, May 29, 2025
My Generation
Tuesday, May 27, 2025
World in Despair
Artists create the best work from pain, yet now we are in despair
So, what does that look like?
There are moments that define our lives, and there are moments that divide our lives. Incidents that divide us into two people. Who we were before: and who we will be after.
Forever.
I never thought I would see the day when we had a President who could be likened to Hitler. In 2016 his 1st term, he showed us who he was. *Is* What's astounding to me, is we put him in again. The people I know who voted for him are shocked. My question to them, is why? He did not change. He's the same corrupt person he's always been. I mean, I get why. Kamala offered no change, the same as Hilary offered none. I just don't get why "We the People" cannot see past this. The two-party system is no longer viable and has not been for several years. Capitalism no longer works.
So, what has happened to critical thinking? I first noticed it when arts and music programs started getting cut and core math was introduced. I fought for the arts programs in Marysville, went to city council meetings and the local news. Our education system which had already been suffering, started to suffer more. I thought I was relatively smart, but clearly naive. My kids at the time were all in choir, and theatre. They were also in an after-school bible class. Probably the only one around that was still in a school.
In 2010, my marriage was eviscerated. This is when I started to notice everything, from school politics, to city, to state and on up. I had been as apathetic in life as I believed my husband to be. The year before, my daughter had called me from Montana. She asked me how to vote. I laughed, and said, "you have to figure out what you want for your family, and what you believe in and vote from there. I was so wrong in that statement.
We have to look at the bigger picture. We need to care about more than just our narrow little world, because if we don't, we end up with what we have right now.
The days collide with news changing by the second. So much is happening that you can't keep your focus on any one thing. Media and corporations are owned by government. Even in research, it's hard to discern what's truth, or lie. Propaganda. AI plays a major role on the internet, and it's contained with bias by those who have developed it.
I recently spoke with a girlfriend of mine from Beirut. We touched a little on what is happening in the current administration. I could see the fear and hopelessness in her, even though she did not voice it. I have a young friend from Spain who I've asked if he's gone to any of the protests, and his answer was no, he is staying under the radar. I have another friend from Scotland, and the answer is the same. Keeping their heads down and paying taxes and hoping this will pass. These are just a few people, Imagine the many that are now living this way.
We are a world in despair. It needs to change.
Wednesday, June 15, 2022
loppers
Monday, August 19, 2019
The Past; letting go

My Son's father passed away almost a month ago now. I actually wrote a blog on him and his friends a little over a month ago. On Friday, my son and I went through his things. Mostly it was his clothing. Mohamed had a clothing and shoe fetish. He loved high-end expensive clothing, and about 3 of the 5 boxes we went through still had tags on them. I don't know how I feel about this since he died penny less and Antony has to come up with the money for funeral expense. (I've started a gofundme for that. https://www.gofundme.com/f/assistance-for-my-son039s-father-passing
To clarify, A headstone. Which Mohamed's son deserves to have for him.
Back to his effects. He also had lot's of paperwork, but most from the past. Our divorce papers, our court papers, allegations, statements, filings, etc.... My son just turned 24 on the 9th of August. If you've followed my writing, you've read about him and how much I have tried through the years to protect him. The papers should have long been thrown away or burned. It was history. I don't know if my son will read them, or if he does, what he'll think of them, but I am leaving that up to him. He can decide what to throw and what he keeps.
Mohamed never lived in the now. He was always chasing the money, and never appreciated the actual journey. The lessons he could have learned from it or should have learned from it, he did not. The purpose.
Everything was status, his clothes, his cars, where he lived. His son.
I look back at all of it, and I'm sad, that he lived that way. Sad for him, sad for my son. There were good memories before Antony was born, and some after. Mostly though, there was strife. Mohamed passed in a country that was not his, with no friends or family.
We have memories, photos, stories, but Mohamed is no longer with us. I hope in where ever he is, he has finally found peace.
ارقد في سلام
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Humanity is dying
In it, the commentator, asks the question, "What if Seattle is dying and we don't even know it?" Well, we do know it or the special would not have been done. I work in Seattle every day and see this and more. We are too damn liberal.
I hear about it from the people who come into my store. I see drugs and crime on a daily basis. What I don't see is something being done about it. Again, we have discussions, we run specials, we have programs and money set aside to help, yet NOTHING is changing.
Why? I can tell you what I see and hear. Example: A shoplifter walks out of the store with 100.00's of dollars worth of goods. Are the police called? No, because they do nothing. Are not allowed to do anything. The city council voted to call these crimes, crimes of poverty. We stand and watch. Our policy is to not stop, not confront. The city policy is to allow it. Too much paperwork for the courts.
Are the city and the corporations afraid of lawsuits? This is what I hear. Lawsuits from the thieves. The druggies. Employees can lose their jobs. When did crime become OK, and not stopping it becomes wrong?
The attitude of the people is anger, disbelief. I see people shake their heads in wonder but I see no one doing anything about it. It reminds me of talking to someone who does not vote. The belief is, why should they. One vote won't make a difference. This way of thinking is inherently wrong. Nothing is ever accomplished through in-action.
You listen to the police in this video, their hands are tied. They don't feel the honor they felt when 1st becoming a police officer. They are given kits to take to the people on the streets. They coddle the junkies, doing drugs that are illegal. Did you know there are still people in jail for marijuana offenses from the '60s and '70s? Yet, you walk by almost any street corner, in downtown Seattle, any park, or underpass, and people are shooting up. It's a liability to the city to put someone in jail while they are high.
There was a second video done, on skid row in California. 53,000 people homeless are living there. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D9pZEjSxXQ
This is not just happening in Seattle. This is happening all over our country. It should not be. It should not just be being talked about. It should not be just being filmed. Something should be being done about it.
Humanity is dying. People say they care but it is glaringly obvious that they do not. Or this would change.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
John
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Sharon and John in front of the School in Entebbe Uganda One of my last photos of him before he passed. |
I can't really remember the 1st time you walked into the club. I know you were in between jobs at Evergreen Helicopter. Jen hired you to bar back.
We became instant friends. You had that effect on people. No matter who you met. You spoke Arabic and started teaching me. We spent all our time together, and we danced. To any band that played. You tended to have crushes on the female leads, and me, the bass players. I don't know why, maybe because they were tall and lanky and so was I.
We followed the bands that we liked. One, all the way to California and back. Most of our friends were in the music scene. When you taught me to dance, it was swing. Salsa, Pasa doable, and ballroom dance. Every week we were out. You stayed with my parent's and helped dad with cutting and stacking wood. You would help mom around the house too.
Jen and I were laughing about when you went back to the Middle East. I believe it was in the late '90s when you went back. You called me because you had gotten engaged. You told me about Mahar, the Muslim engagement period and that you needed to come up with cow's, and goats and a house for her. Plus 5000.00 for her household. You told me you didn't think that the marriage was going to happen because you did not have the money for the goats. Thinking about this now, Jen and I laughed and laughed. Goats, of all things. Like there weren't a million of them over there.
In the Early 2000s, you came back to the states and moved to Hammond Louisiana. My understanding was you bought a house and property down there and were attending Tulane University. From there, you went to Entebbe Uganda. You also bought property there, while you were helping build a school for girls.
We had phone calls often, but the last one was in April of 2012. I was with mom and dad, right before she passed. You spoke to mom on the phone and she asked if you had stacked the wood. You told her yes, you had and to stay warm, and you would see her soon. I did not know how prophetic that statement was.
You didn't tell me you were sick. I had no idea until your brother called me in June. I knew when I picked up the phone. Before he said a word, I knew you were gone. 7 years ago today, you left us. We all miss you. I'll be seeing Karen on Friday night. Rail is playing. She's bringing her daughter Samantha, who's as gorgeous as she is. Alex is doing sound for them. You never got to meet them, but they love music as much as you and I did.
I see Jen all the time. She has cancer but does pretty good. She and Jim are still together after all these years. 43 years now according to Jen. I can hear you laughing when they fight. I can see your impish smile when she and I are up to our usual antics all these years later.
I wish you were still here. You'd be proud of your brother and sister and niece. I remember you going to see her play with the Philharmonic Symphony. My son plays now too and has a band. You are missing so much, and so many circles that we are still in. And Antony, my Egyptian child. He's not a child anymore John. He's grown, and he dances, and he works for Microsoft. You'd be so proud of him.
I found some of the letters the other day. The ones from Tehran, and the Ivory Coast. You had quite an adventurous life. You lived it to the fullest. God, I miss you. I live with Cyrene again too. I remember our trip to California and staying at your tiny apartment in Oxnard. I wanted to stay on the sailboat, but Cyrene would not. She was so funny about things. There was a storm rolling in, but I know we would have been fine. I have pictures from that trip somewhere. I'll have to dig them out and post them here.
Anyway, I'll let you go now. Just know I love and miss you. Wish you were here.
1987
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2 of my roommates from the house on 45th, and some of the band members from Whiskey FIx that lived with me. |
I was so naive. I Lived on 18th with two Filipino roommates Naomi, David, and my 2-year-old daughter. I had Cripps at one end of my street, and Bloods on the other. I honestly never paid attention to this, until a friend from college pointed it out to me.
I was walking to work on Yesler one day, and my buddy who I went to college with was driving a cab. He passed by me and turned around to pick me up. He had no idea I was living down there, and so our conversation went like this.
Him: hey, what are you doing down here, walking around.
Me: I just live over on 18th, I walk to work every day.
Him: You have got to be kidding me
Me: no, why?
Him: you realize this is the C.D.
Me: yea, so?
Him: It's dangerous in this area.
Me: I've never had any problems.
RIght about when I said that, he came to a stop at a light. Two Seattle police officer came running up from behind the cab, yelling stop. I look around, and here's this African American guy, booking it, and slides over the hood of our car and keeps going. The police had guns drawn.
My buddy looks at me and says See? As if to say, I told you we are in a dangerous area. I started thinking about moving from then forward.
I did eventually end up moving. To a house in Sunnyside. A block off 45th. I rented a 5 bedroom home with 3 other girls, and 2 guys. All in bands. We had a soundproof studio in the basement. A few Seattle musicians practiced there, including Mike Starr and Jerry Cantrell, from Alice n Chains prior to being signed.
This was a start to another chapter in my young life.
More later~
peace~