Monday, August 19, 2019

The Past; letting go

Caveat: I have not been married to Antony's father since 1997. We have never been on great terms, but I tried to keep most of that from my son. His father, on the other hand, did not. 

My Son's father passed away almost a month ago now. I actually wrote a blog on him and his friends a little over a month ago. On Friday, my son and I went through his things. Mostly it was his clothing. Mohamed had a clothing and shoe fetish. He loved high-end expensive clothing, and about 3 of the 5 boxes we went through still had tags on them. I don't know how I feel about this since he died penny less and Antony has to come up with the money for funeral expense. (I've started a gofundme for that. https://www.gofundme.com/f/assistance-for-my-son039s-father-passing 

To clarify, A headstone. Which Mohamed's son deserves to have for him. 

Back to his effects. He also had lot's of paperwork, but most from the past. Our divorce papers, our court papers, allegations, statements, filings, etc.... My son just turned 24 on the 9th of August. If you've followed my writing, you've read about him and how much I have tried through the years to protect him. The papers should have long been thrown away or burned. It was history. I don't know if my son will read them, or if he does, what he'll think of them, but I am leaving that up to him. He can decide what to throw and what he keeps.

Mohamed never lived in the now. He was always chasing the money, and never appreciated the actual journey. The lessons he could have learned from it or should have learned from it, he did not. The purpose. 
Everything was status, his clothes, his cars, where he lived. His son.

I look back at all of it, and I'm sad, that he lived that way. Sad for him, sad for my son. There were good memories before Antony was born, and some after. Mostly though, there was strife. Mohamed passed in a country that was not his, with no friends or family. 

We have memories, photos, stories, but Mohamed is no longer with us. I hope in where ever he is, he has finally found peace.

 ارقد في سلام


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