Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Goals

Today is the day..... back to the Doctor. I have to say, this is a scary one for me, and something I rarely admit. My side is killing me, and I went cold turkey off all meds last July. I don't want meds again. I want my license and Paris, and ... yeah, Rick... eventually when we can mesh things together.

What I don't want is chemo. I swore to god they had better come up with something more effective, and as far as my research goes, they have not. I know this is back, I can feel it. I hate it, and I don't want it. It scares the shit out of me. I will NOT go back on chemo, so if any of my friends have links or advice or anything else that will get me through this holistically, then put them on here. I cannot take care of my kids and business, schooling and Paris if I am on chemo, won't work, and I refuse to give into this illness.

They call doctors practitioners for a reason, so, guess what? I can practice to, and google gives me a bevy of information on what I have and what I can possibly do to get me through this.

What I have? Retro peritoneal fibrosis. You can look it up, but basically it absorbs my internal organs. It is inflammation of internal organs and my spleen is gone, and now it is on my kidney and liver. WOW... did I say that out loud? Ya... I did. Sigh. Have to say, this sucks, but I will beat it. I did once before, and I will again.

It is an inflammation between the lining and the back wall of the peritoneum. On top of this, I have Raynauds and all this, together puts me at risk for a host of other cancers like non Hodgkins lymphoma, rare blood cancers, oh, and my recent fun with skin cancers. Basil cell is non invasive and easily taken care of, but not mine. Apparently I am an anomaly. Mine is invasive, just as invasive as melanoma. Hence my not being able to be out in the sun much, which annoys the crap out of me, because I LOVE the sun.

So, here's my thought... screw it! I will do what I can on my end, but I will NOT go on Chemo, and I will NOT give up my sun. I will however do everything else suggested.

Cats out of the bag. Have fun with this one, I know I will..... It's part of life.

Here is a link, and yes, mine is idiopathic, never been to the middle east and never did cocaine.http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001497/
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