One Year ago today

So one year ago today, my life turned up-side down. I have to say it's been one hell of a ride. Literally.

I was married to Paul for 14 years. We have 2 boys together and we raised my granddaughter also. I considered my life to be normal. House, mortgage, jobs, bills, kids... ect. Pretty much the "white picket fence" life. Suburban. Mundane, boring.

Society has a pre-concieved notion of what marriage is. I know I did. I believed in my vows. For better or worse, but what do you do when the other person no-longer believes that way? You roll with it, like I did. I can't say it's been easy, but it was not hard either. I changed how I looked at things. I had too.

Today, I am in a better place than I was a year ago. I've healed. What I went through made me who I am now. I am enjoying my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but that's life. My kids are better. We are moving on, growing and changing and having fun while we do it.

I have a man in my life that completes me. I love the freedom of loving him without expectation. I love that we are individuals, who can be apart and confident enough in each other to pursue what we want in life and still come together and be happy. Life is good today.

I'll leave you with this. A friend of mine wrote this and it is perfect for where I am at.

Life is so full of mystery, and it is so unpredictable, but what a wonderful thing it could be if it stands the test of time.

So few hearts find the courage to hold off the darkness of the unknown, and then get lost along the way. Make sure you stay on the path.

We all search.. sometimes it seems to the ends of the earth, but the nightmares of the past weigh so heavy and harden the soul, it shoves our chances of happiness to the side, prolonging our freedom from the chains that bind so tightly.

Forgive the demons that burden your heart with suspicion and pain, grasp what has been laid before you. Hold tightly for when you have lost it, it will be gone, many times forever.

So feel the warmth that you have so longed for, the tenderness of an embrace that comes from deep within, unleash the beast that has bound your soul, fill your eyes and heart with the happiness that that all the yesterdays took away, then realize and know the magic that you only dream of, and let it become your reality.

Thank you to Frank James (Rage on Stage) For sharing your musings with me.

Putting it in perspective

I have to say, that this weekend was one ENLIGHTENING weekend!

I have been in the process of getting the kids on the same page as me, since, well, for a YEAR NOW! (actually much longer, but we'll stick with the past year where it has been just me and the kids) It's sad when one adult undermines another, just because they have a difference of opinion in raising children. It's the kids that suffer the most when this happens.

Electronic age: <<<< Yea, that's what I wrote. OH? you thought this was about the kids? It is... I'll get there. So, growing up, as far back as when I was 4-5 years of age, we had a party line. What's that you say? You remember, the old rotary phone where you shared the lines coming into the neighborhood with your neighbors? Still don't know what it is? Well, no matter, because the point is this, we didn't have access to cell phones, game boys, Xbox, PS what the hell ever they are! We had a T.V, that you had to get up to change the channel on, a phone that you had to be in the house to use, and only with the parent's permission, and those were a PRIVILEGE! We EARNED THEM!

How did we earn them you ask? chores... CHORES! Yea, and we did the chores and did not threaten calling child protective services because one of us had a HARDER chore than the other, or it WASN'T fair! Good lord, the kids these days have it EASY, and they think we are virtually killing them! OH, and food? We ate what was put on our plates. Period. Why? Because, that's what mom and dad could afford, and if we weren't at the dinner table when mom put it on, then we were sh*t out of luck. We also said prayer's before each and every meal. Thanking god for what we have, not asking for what we DIDN'T have.

Let me say this. My kids are good kids. They have been through the wringer on some things, but they are basically good kids. BUT, they expect to much for to little. Sorry, is that selfish of me to say? Pfffttt.... too bad! This is their home. They have a roof over their head and food in their belly. Much more than a lot of people have in this day and age.

Last night when the kids got home from their weekend with dad, I sat them down and had a talk. No more electronics in this house, they will earn the right to use them, and that will be limited use, based on attitude and performance. I want my family back. I want peace and harmony in this house, and I can't get it with the constant bickering over game time, cell phone texting, calls, T V, ect.... so I am done. I'm taking them back to the dark ages as my kids say, but if that's what it takes to make these kids responsible productive adults, then that is what is going to happen.

As for what happens elsewhere in their life, that is up to the adults in the other households they are in. Would it be nice if all concerned were in agreement? You bet, but that is not the case, so I focus on what I can do in my home. Period. I don't have time or energy to worry about what goes on outside of here.

My status today is this:

A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like. Her dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it in into small pieces. He told her to go to her room and see if she can put it together. After some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together. The dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said on the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together.

This is how my home is going to be from now on. God's here, and he stays. My kids need the simple things in life, and so do I. They need to be kids. Buying them everything under the sun does not make them kids. Teaching them responsibility and accountability is what will give them peace and allow them to be unfettered and free to be kids.

Back to school..... I had to use the word quiet this morning!

1st day back to school! What can I say, this is my 2nd favorite time of year. NO KIDS IN THE HOUSE!!!

Most parents I know look forward to this day all summer. Sending the kids off is equal to semi retirment in my eyes. I get the house to myself, come and go as I please, and SLEEP if I want to!

This year, my kids are all old enough to where I don't have to worry about going to the schools with them, getting them organized, making sure the backpacks have all the neccsessites, ect... I can kick back and relax. They have reached the age of self suffeciency. BWAHHH HAAA HAAA.... who the hell am I kidding?

SO this morning starts off feeling like a Monday, and let me tell you, it deserves an oscar for it's preformance. (Borrowed that line) lol... but it fits. Up at 5am, coffee on, news, quiet..... sweet, then it begins. 1st kid up. (my children are on staggered school schedules) Antony leaves at 6:30am, Jacob leaves at 7:30 am, and Alexis and Gabriel leave at 9am. By the time Antony is out the door, they are ALL up! Dang, why can't they sleep a little bit? However, they did pretty good on being quiet, until Jake decides he is leaving early to meet Jefferey. THEN it begins.

In and out the door, my forever negotiator..... (

In the meantime, the dog needs to go out, Alexis gets up, *looks at me* says, I'm going back to bed. (Thank god!) and then Jake is out the door.

What a morning, and it's not even 7:30 am yet. Gabriel and Alexis leave at 8:55am, and then I have MY time. I had a list of things to do today, but you know what? I'm done for the morning. It can all wait till later.

I had all my tabs open on the computer, facebook, hootsuite, eBay, gmail, blogger, ect... I was working away. Now it's quiet again... SHHHH..... probably not for long since I just jinxed it and typed that one out, but I am making a fresh pot of coffee, and going to sit in the fresh air. I'm going to enjoy my 1st day without a thing to do. No, I don't want to hear it, the list? yea, does not exsist now, nothing to do. K? My day.

Gypsy....... .........alone....(revised)

A very short post on some current events in my life. My step daughter, who will always be a daughter to me, was married this weekend. All my children were in her wedding.

I didn't go. I could have.... she invited me, but I did not feel it was appropriate considering the circumstances. I spent Friday, the day of the rehearsal trying to keep my mind off it. I spent Saturday, in a very melancholy mood, and at one point, was in tears.

In many many ways it was a blessing to me when her father left me 8 months ago, but this was one of the events in her life that I will miss, and because of that, I'm alone. Alone in having someone to share that with, alone in dealing with the pain. This is part of my past now, and moving past it has been fairly easy, except for this one. This one hurt.

It also made me realize that although I have people in my life who love and care for me, it will always be just me, taking care of me. No one else can.

Through out my life, no matter what has taken place, what paths I choose, what people were in it..... It's always been me. I'm the one who has picked up the pieces and moved on. I'm the one doing it this time.

The people who have trampled on me, taken me for granted, and ripped me up, are no longer a part of my life. The ones who do it now, will also be out of my life. It only takes once with me. Don't fuck it up. You are the one who have to answer to god for what was done. I don't judge people, it's not my place, I can sleep at night..... can they?

Trust is earned, and I am having a hard time trusting anyone at the moment. Do me a favor... don't make promises you can't keep, don't say things you don't mean, and don't make plans without letting me know what they are when they are plans that affect my life. Keep it simple. It's called integrity.

http://youtu.be/OYjZK_6i37M

Gypsy.......... early memories of summer times

Yesterday I spent the day with my youngest son, Gabriel. He's my baby. (9 years old ) but I didn't think I could have another one, so he was my surprise. We spent the day doing yard work. I love my home and yard. I have spent the last few weeks working on the inside of my home, and decided I needed to be outside.

My grass had gotten to the point where I felt like dragging the 9 motors out of the garage and hanging them in the tress! Good lord this place has gotten bad! Slowly though, I am making it mine again.




When I was a child, I loved being outdoors. My dad had 5 acres at the time in Lk.Stevens, our home was on a dead end road, and we were always in the woods. We always had chores to. Every August, dad would start preparing for winter. He'd fall the big cedars on the property, the ones that he knew would come down in a good strong storm. We used to help him. Our job was filling the wood shed after dad would fall the tree and cut it up. We were taught how to use all the tools! I loved this. Dad was so good about making sure we knew how to take care of ourselves.

One summer, he was cutting wood, and this was back when the chainsaws had no guards on them. He had put the saw down and it was on idle. He told us kids not to go near it, to pick up the rounds over by the tree. Well..... I was all of 6, I remember that, and you KNOW how 6 year old's are. Looky, rounds by the chain saw. Hmm.. they need picking up to. So off I go to do this, and I trip on the blackberry vines. The fall was in slow motion to me. I can remember on the way down, with my hands out to catch my fall, thinking, blackberry stickers... chainsaw.... blackberry stickers... chainsaw.. well, by the time I had decided the stickers, it was to late, so I hit the chainsaw. Yessss... on the blade. Silly me. Nice little puncture that required a trip to the emergency room, 2 stitches and a trip to Baskin and Robbins. *grin* Now, I have a nice little "race car" scar in the middle of my left palm. This was also back when the stitches were done with black thread, not that disappearing stuff like they have now. So the line from the cut has a line across at both ends, and my skin is puffed where the thread was knotted, so it looks like a race car. I show my boys all the time. Especially when they play with the machete and other knives around here.

Yesterday was a blast. Gabriel was a huge help, except for me taking the sledge hammer from him, and having to keep an eye on him with the machete. I did not look when I set the chain saw down and he was hauling the rounds for me. Just because I figured if I did, or said, "don't" go over there, history would repeat itself.

My lawn mowers are broken, so I weed whacked the whole yard. By the time I got the two stroke and gas mix, and bar oil, it was hitting 630pm and I wanted to finish off the rounds of apple wood I had sitting here from last year. It was a great day, and very satisfying!

So my boy is learing how to be a man, and he loves it. Today we haul rocks out from behind the overgrown blackberry bushes, and finish off my pond.

Gypsy.........summer's after high school

Back to summer. My favorite time of year. The summer after high school, I was on the move. I had dated a guy that was in college, during the last 6 months of my senior year, nice, clean cut, had a job.....AND, he asked me to marry him, and I bolted.

Well, I didn't bolt Per-Se, but the running joke now is I was traded in a car deal to my daughters dad. I took one look at Mike, and thought oh shit! I am in trouble. Proverbial bad boy, with a sensitive side. Why me god? Ha! Mechanic, drummer, (another circle happening here, a blog for later) *grin* Now Mike never did anything with his music, and he could have, but he did pursue his master's mechanics degree.

We lived in a house on Wetmore, in Everett, and I was working at Panama's. This was back when you could sign the blue slip that makes you responsible for being in a bar. Mike was doing some stuff he shouldn't have, and ME, clueless blond chic from sheltered home, opens the door to the police when they showed up looking for him and sweetly says, "Oh, yea, he's here"..*sweeps hand towards garage in the back of the house*..... Silly me. So court ensues, and Mikes parents come up from Ocean shores, and the judge releases Mike on his own recognizance into his parent's custody, so off we go to Grays Harbor.

What times I had down there, some good, A lot not so good, most just wild and crazy. One incident was over a 2000.00 corvette motor that Mike and I had, and BAM, Hoquiam and Aberdeen, and Montesano Police forces, all in our face with guns drawn, and me pregnant with my daughter, and I was done pretty much. Wild life fun, but a bit too much for me. A little ditty in the local paper about a LK. Stevens woman.. < Me, and back to daddy I went. Time to grow up. Me, not him, he's still out there having fun. Love him to death, but most the time, want to choke the hell out of him. *laughs* These days, he's called Grandpa Twitchy, and is also referred to as my never was in-law out-law.
It's all good. More later~

You don't have to Cry, by CSN

http://youtu.be/1awtlA6Nr64

Gypsy... more of me

I'm going to jump back here to a few of my high school years and my brother Randy. The reason for this is I got to see him last night for the 1st time since last summer, or close to, as far as a visit goes, so more memories popped up, and well, I can do that. It's my blog. SO MANY CIRCLES IN MY LIFE!

So... let's see, I think maybe my sophomore year or junior, not real sure of the time frame. Memories tend to blur as we get older, but their still good ones. As I said, Randy and I were close, and, yea... I guess it had to be my junior year since Randy was 2 years younger than me. I was on the drill team, and flag core. Our drill team captain was a dear friend of mine Kristie, who is still a dear friend. Man was she good with choreography. Plus I had joined the powder puff football team. <<< We had a tradition in Lake Stevens, the junior girls always played the senior girls, and the seniors always won. (not this time, but that is for later) Anywayyyyy... so back to me and Randy.

By my junior year I was getting pretty wild. I still kept my grades up, except for general studies..... kinda let those go by the wayside and always slid by when it came to passing. My good grades were from my arts programs that I had 5 classes a day in. Most of the time though I was busy socializing and having fun. This is also when I threw the towel in for good on staying away from anything I should have. Yea,... I was partying, to say the least, and of course Randy was right there with me.

We always played frizzbie on the commons between the classrooms and the office. Randy, me, Dena, Nicci, Janie, and a whole bunch of others. Invariably we were constantly late to class. (I'm wondering if I should change names here to protect the NOT so innocent... ) nah, my memories, my right. OK, so ya, back to school. Let me state this before ya'll get in a tizzy here. We weren't always causing trouble, or getting into mischief, we were basically good kids, having a bit of fun. I know we started skipping classes every once in awhile, and usually around spring breaks or towards the end of the school year.

So... places, morrows meadows, Lk road, the bridges, 7th heaven... << these were our party spots. For some reason, even though Randy and I didn't have a car, we always found someone with one, and always a fast one. Hot rods! << Remembering D.J's mustang, (another story) but, yea, muscle cars were in, and most of the people Randy and I hung out with were seniors, or already out of school, so we always had rides to the party spots.

My Senior year, my girlfriends dad who owned studio 59 in Everett, sold it, and bought Buzzy's on Broadway and made it a all ages club. At the time he was in competition with Cheetah's in Marysville, ( another circle in my life, and will write about that later) but, opening night, was a school night and I had promised mom and dad that if Randy could go, I would have him home by midnight. (I didn't) as you can guess.. *snicker* but managed to slide by getting into to much trouble over that one.

So, by this time I was running with my daughter's father, and I was in Everett at his house he shared with 5 other people. He was drinking and I decided I was going to drop acid. <<< OMG... yes, I said that, and did it. (a few times) ANYWHOOO... so I had had Buzz's daughter's boyfriend at the time, pick Randy up, and I met them down at the club. By the time I got there, I was peaking, and Buzz's smoke machine went on the blitz, and the club filled up. WOW.. I of course lost Randy. I think I only saw him once. By the time I had hitched a ride home with Dan, another friend of mine, I knew I was in deep doo doo. Ahyup... Mom and dad were up. Shit! I walk in, and go up stairs to my room.. or try to.. *peaks* in living room, sorta waves to mom and dad, and starts to open room door. DAD, "where's your brother?"... sigh.. so I said he has a ride home and will be here. DAD, "he was suppose to be with you".. Dang.. umm.. yup, well see here's the thing dad... Buzz had trouble with the smoke machine, and I kinda sorta lost Randy and got a ride home with someone else...

Yea, that was quite an evening. Randy finally made it home, and not sure what he had done, but he was under the influence to. The dummy comes in and SITS with mom and dad, and I had to go get him out of the living room and send him to bed before he got us totally busted.

Man, those were some times... more to come, that's it for now.

Gypsy

This one is all about me.

I decided to do this, not only for me, but for the people who are in my life now.

I was born in Seattle Washington, on February 1st, 1965. My birth mother named me Veronica. (I am so not a Veronica, it makes me think of the Archie comics, and she was a bitch. I'm not. HA!) << Maybe a little, but always for the greater good.
I was in a foster home for 10 months and then the state closed it down for neglect.

Where my life began, was with my parents, Marjorie and Kenneth Surdyk. They adopted me. I was raised in Lake Stevens Washington.

Having been born an Aquarius, I was always attuned to my surroundings and the people in my life. There were times, my perception and observations were un-canny. I think I have said this, but I'll say it again. I'm loyal, kind and compassionate, I give 110% to everything I do and everyone I come in contact with. I'm mercurial and have a wild streak. I'm strong willed and independent. I'm an artist at heart, and music is in my soul. I thrive on visual and touch. I accept people for who they are and expect the same.... nuff said. You'll just have to get to know me.

Now to my up-bringing. Mom and dad raised us in your typical suburban manner. We lived in a 2 story home that my father built, on acreage. I had 2 brothers who were also adopted, both from different family's. My oldest brother and I were not all that close, still aren't, but that is another blog. My youngest brother was my partner in crime. We played for hours in the woods around our home, rode bikes and built forts. Our home was a block away from the beach and we spent many a day on the docks, just hanging out. We climbed trees, and shot at the neighbors mail box from the top limb of a creaky old cedar. (shhh.... ) but it was fun, and normal. We called that tree our man o war. Not sure where we got the name, but there you have it.

In the summers, my father would take time off and we would travel. I have been in every state except Alaska. My favorite spots were in the west, the ghost towns and the history we got to see and feel. In the winters, it was pretty normal, school and church. Mom also put all three of us in piano. I played for 14 years. We also had swim, dance, ballet, and tap. All private lessons that mom took us to after school. I remember when I was in Sunday school, and my teacher talked to us about being adopted. To me it was no big deal, it was the same as knowing the sky was blue, and god was in my life. It just was. Every Sunday after church, dad would take us to McDonald's and then go for a drive. Later mom would cook a roast for Sunday dinner.

Weekends we'd visit cousins. Most of dads family was in the Snohomish area. We would sneak out from my aunts house and go down the road to Gar Cemetery where my grand parents were buried. We also took my little cousin Gayleen. She was 3 I think, and we would play hide and seek in the graveyard, and then leave Gayleen there. << This makes me laugh, because Gayleen and I were talking about it a few years ago and her mom was sitting there and it was the 1st she knew of it. God, what a memory that was. We also used to scare her on Thanksgiving with the bear rug we had at home. Mom would send one of us down to the fruit cellar, and we'd grab that rug and holler for Gayleen. So... yea, these are events that shaped me. Boy was I an imp. (still am)

As we got older, my younger brother and I became closer and closer. My older brother would watch us. Ha! We would sneak out and take the bikes and ride around the lake. We were always home before mom and dad got home. I don't know if Tim ever knew. One year, Randy got a wild hair and decided to hot wire dads car. We took it up to frontier village and did brody's in the parking lot. He rolled it.. sheesh, we took it home hoping that dad would never find out. Still not sure if he did.

Anyway, as I reached middle school and high school, I got involved in the arts programs more and more. I have certificates in Calligraphy and actually put them to use here a few years ago and taught classes through parks and rec here in Marysville. In middle school, I was shy and sheltered. I was hanging out with the under dog's and we would hang out in the smoking area. I still had not experienced anything, but I sure wanted to. By the time I hit 8th grade, I decided that I wanted to have a bit of fun. One of my friends older brother's had a flat bed,LD we called him, (Larry David) and he would pick us up after school, and sometimes during school, (not often, because my mother worked for the schools and dammit, knew everything I did!) So not cool! Anyway, we would drink home made strawberry wine, and kick it in the sun. (for some reason there is a lot of sun in my memories, so bear with me.)

Now for high school! Hmm... the best years of my life? I think not... but anyway, they sure were fun. My class started at the New high school. We were the 1st class to go all 4 years there. (I wanted to go to the pink palace, but by that time the lines had changed, and within the 1st year of my 9th year they had closed it down) In 9th grade, I pretty much stuck to the curriculum, but I was held up to the teachers by my older brothers standards, and that ticked me off. I was me, not him, but I constantly got, "Oh?" "Your Tim Surdyk's little sister?" Lord I hated that. Another thing that shaped me. Sigh... lol.. anyway, so by 10th grade I had pretty much had enough of that crap and started making a name for myself. Lordy, and did I. Hmm.. ........tell or not to tell. Oh, screw it. So my 1st big "entrance" came at the high school homecoming game. An ambulance was called and I was taken home with a respiration of 8. By all rights I should have been dead, but god was looking out for me.(and my mother, who flashed a flash light in my eyes all night long, and then dragged my ass to church the next day!) A friend of mine got me plowed, and I passed out on the 50 yd line. Funny, but SO not funny at the time, and scared the pants off my parents. Of course they never really knew why I did this, and still don't. They thought I was influenced, and what they never got was I ALWAYS made my own decisions. I think my dad gets me now, in fact I know he does, and I love him all the more for it. Anyway, 10 years after this event, I was at the mall and a couple of girls were in the restroom with me, and they both looked at me and said, "aren't you the chic who???"... yea.. lol.. that was me. Shit.... (for some reason, people always remember me when I am in a bathroom to. Weird shit. << More to that statement later.

So, I made it through high school unscathed... pretty much, a few bumps and bruises, but still kicking and still attempting to make a name for me. By graduation, Tim had moved on to college, and I quit 19 days prior to graduating. (another blog) << HA!

I went to college over the summer of 1983, and was also 1st Miss runner up in the Miss lake Stevens contest, and then had to step in and fulfill the duty's of Miss Lake Stevens, who had left for college. In the meantime, I was running all over Lake Stevens with my daughter's father, (who also is another blog) and getting pretty wild. How I escaped all this with a clean record, I'll never know, but I did. Probably has to do with my faith in god.

So, that is my early life... stay tuned, I plan on walking you through to where I am now.

Slow my Roll... ... it's complicated!

This will be a short one, but had a discussion last night with someone I care about a lot. Maybe to much right now, but rolling with it. Am I real? Yeah, as real as you can get. Loyal, blunt and have a wild streak a mile wide.

BUT, here's the deal, The people in my life are here for a reason, long term or short term, and I am good with that. This goes back to my blog on goals. Anyway, << hate that word, but have stuff to do, so again, this is a quick one.

I am who I am. You'll not find another like me. Maybe, but doubtful. Independent, strong willed, opinionated, but open to anything anyone wants to throw at me. Good, bad, or indifferent. I can deal. Mature enough to know what I want out of life, and smart enough to get it, and I will. Eventually.

Kids raised, schooling, Paris, license, and a man. Yea... a man, but not full time. Maybe eventually, but yeah.. we'll see.

So to this I add, I love the ones I had, I love the the one I'm with, and I will love the one in the future.


Rock and Roll Drummer man~Live to the music! Loving life~

Goals

Today is the day..... back to the Doctor. I have to say, this is a scary one for me, and something I rarely admit. My side is killing me, and I went cold turkey off all meds last July. I don't want meds again. I want my license and Paris, and ... yeah, Rick... eventually when we can mesh things together.

What I don't want is chemo. I swore to god they had better come up with something more effective, and as far as my research goes, they have not. I know this is back, I can feel it. I hate it, and I don't want it. It scares the shit out of me. I will NOT go back on chemo, so if any of my friends have links or advice or anything else that will get me through this holistically, then put them on here. I cannot take care of my kids and business, schooling and Paris if I am on chemo, won't work, and I refuse to give into this illness.

They call doctors practitioners for a reason, so, guess what? I can practice to, and google gives me a bevy of information on what I have and what I can possibly do to get me through this.

What I have? Retro peritoneal fibrosis. You can look it up, but basically it absorbs my internal organs. It is inflammation of internal organs and my spleen is gone, and now it is on my kidney and liver. WOW... did I say that out loud? Ya... I did. Sigh. Have to say, this sucks, but I will beat it. I did once before, and I will again.

It is an inflammation between the lining and the back wall of the peritoneum. On top of this, I have Raynauds and all this, together puts me at risk for a host of other cancers like non Hodgkins lymphoma, rare blood cancers, oh, and my recent fun with skin cancers. Basil cell is non invasive and easily taken care of, but not mine. Apparently I am an anomaly. Mine is invasive, just as invasive as melanoma. Hence my not being able to be out in the sun much, which annoys the crap out of me, because I LOVE the sun.

So, here's my thought... screw it! I will do what I can on my end, but I will NOT go on Chemo, and I will NOT give up my sun. I will however do everything else suggested.

Cats out of the bag. Have fun with this one, I know I will..... It's part of life.

Here is a link, and yes, mine is idiopathic, never been to the middle east and never did cocaine.http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001497/

Back to reality........ I'm putting friends on notice

I'm going to start this with a little caveat here. This in no way will change the core of who I am.

With that being said, I had quite an epiphany yesterday.

As most of you know, since the split with my husband, I have done some re-defining of my priority's and goals. However, those are being slowly de-railed due to me putting my self last. Of course we know my kids are 1st, but with 4 of them, in different schools, activities, and going in different directions, no help and dealing with a house that has been slowly falling apart, dealing with things left behind, clean up, and purging, plus trying to get in me time, things are getting out of hand.

My health is now becoming a major issue in the derailment of what I want, so I need to stop. Just stop, and focus again. This has not been by any means on purpose or easy to do what with all that I still have left to deal with here on the home front, but after realizing that I am now in a size 24" jeans, Its time for me, or I won't make it, and I have to make it for my kids, because there is no one else.

A lot of my close friends are aware of my illness, and I have always been pretty private about it, but here's the thing, when it has come to the point where it is affecting what I want, who I want, and where I want to be in life, it's time for help, and asking for help, and TRUST ME, I HATE asking for anything. I have always done things on my own. Even in my past relationships, I was the one who made things happen, got things done, or just moved on because it was not where I needed to be.

So beginning on Monday, I am making calls to my doctor whom I have not seen since November. I will be calling in favors for help with the schedule and kids. (which is another hard thing for me to do) but nuff said. There you go..... me time.

Life changing events

I just finished reading a blog about an event that change a friends life, and I am now following it for inspiration.

This is a story of my life changing event.

15 years ago on Nov, 11th 1997, I met the man of my dreams. 14 years ago, on the 8th of January, we made a life commitment to each other. 13 years ago, on the 1st of February, I married him. We had a fairytale romance, and a beautiful little boy by June of 1999.

We were living in a rental home in Everett, and my husband decided that he wanted to go to college in Arizona for his Harley Davidson accredited mechanics degree. So we moved into his parents to save the money. During the time we were living there, my son who was 3 at the time, and in pre-school, mentioned something to the school counselor that changed the course of my husbands dreams. By the time we made it through the courts with my sons father, and a separation forced on us after 8 months, my husband was allowed to move back in with me. Also during this time, our son, Jacob, ended up with a ecol i and we almost lost him. He was 7 months old at the time. We missed each other terribly. It was a difficult time, and we did the best we could to get through it.

From his parents home, we then moved to a trailer with my son and our son. He has a daughter from a previous marriage, and we had her on weekends. We lived in the trailer home for 3 years, and had a second son. A month prior to giving birth to my second son, Gabriel, We took my oldest daughter's daughter in at the age of one. I had Gabriel on Oct. 29th 2001, and then on the 11th of Nov. 2001, I was sick at my husbands birthday and so I was rushed into the doctor. It took them 8 months to figure out what was wrong with me. I had an auto immune disorder that absorbed internal organs. My spleen was missing and I was on oral Chemotherapy. I took care of 4 children now, all under the age of 5. A newborn, a one year old, a 3 year old and a 5 year old, and drove them back and forth to school and activities, while my husband worked a job he hated. He would come home and take over for me so I could rest. I was also on very strong pain medicine back then. One night my husband had gone up to the store for me and his daughter to buy ice cream, when he came home, he was dancing. I loved him so much right then. He came in the door, and had a huge grin on his face. He had bought, not only the ice cream, but a dollar scratch ticket and won 5000.00! One of his other dreams was to build his own Harley,he already had the frame, from taxes from 1999 and with the 5000.00 we got the engine and tranny. No one in his life had ever backed him with his dreams.

I never lost sight of my marriage or my vows to my soul mate. This was forever. Amen.

In May of 2003, I asked if we could move to a house, we were squished in the trailer, and things were hard all the way around. We made a move to a house that was built in 1910 and we loved it. It had room for the kids, and us, a yard, and a creek. It was wonderful. My husband had worked for a different fence company for awhile, and then went back to the original one that he worked at when we lived at the trailer. During all these years, we had family reunions, took trips to North Dakota every year and made beautiful memories.

Life moves on.... to life changing events, cont....

A treasure found in family history

Boutwell Family History
By
Edna Boutwell
My great Aunt

My grandfather at one time owned a great deal of land in Woburn Massachusetts (The blueprints are now with an uncle.

My grandfather, Edward Boutwell, died of a broken jaw (done by the dentist giving him lock jaw) He was 23 years old. He had two boys-my father, Herbert, and George. The mother wished to marry again, her husband, now Garfield, did not want the two boys. When she appealed to their grandfather, Charles Boutwell, He was angry. He said if she tried to take the boys, she would not see them again. They both grew up believing their mother cared nothing for them.

Charles Boutwell was a hard man but a brilliant man. mathematics was his forte' For example, he would offer a 100.00 to anyone who could give him a problem he couldn't solve. When his 1st wife died, he married Olive Larrabe of Peabody. He "bound" his two grandsons to him until they were 21, and then they were given what was called their "freedom papers".
My father loved all children very much and was always wonderful to all of us, maybe because he and George had so little happiness. He and my mother always had surprises for us even though they had very little money. One Christmas when we were small, my parents told us that Santa had forgotten to stop at our home. They said if we dressed and had breakfast we would go in search of him. In those days we lived in Winn Park, we had no furnace, so it was very cold. My father produced a key to one of the rooms that we always kept the door closed to, to save on heat. When he opened the door, there was a lovely Christmas tree, and presents for all.

I loved my fathers brother, my Uncle George, very much. He was an engineer on the Boston & Maine railroad. He was married to Annie Ross of Nova Scotia, and they had two sons. They lived in Greenfield, Mass. Uncle George died when he stepped off a train, and lost both of his legs. Aunt Annie died, and later her to sons, Ross, and his wife, and Harold Boutwell.

My father, Herbert Boutwell, had three half sisters, in the Garfield Family. One of them Velma,
married one of the Dennison's of the Dennison Manufacturing Company.
We were also related by marriage to President Garfield.

My father always regaled us with stories that happened to the Larrabee's One was in the civil war, and became crazed with fever, and deserted his post. He made his way home to Peabody, Mass. His mother knew the soldiers would come for him, so she put him in her big bed, and covered himwith a mattress. The soldiers did eventually come. In those days 12 soldiers would come for the deserter, with orders to shoot. All but one rifle would have be loaded, so as not to know which bullet killed. As they were about to fire, a rider rode up at full speed with a pardon from President Garfield. The poor man only lived to more months, but did not have a record as a deserter.

We lived in Melrose when I first attended school. My grandmother, Sarah Amanda Amelia Chapman Boutwell Garfield, lived there. She had a beautiful home, and were always nice to me.

My father became a solder, in the Spanish-American war of 1898. He was a great cook in the Army. He recieved a pension from the military, and many years later was buried in the soldiers lot in Woodbrook cemetry, with full mititary honors.
Woburn, Massachusettes.

The Boutwells originally came from France. They were French hugenots and during the war between the protestants and the catholics, the Boutwells, (protestant's) fled for their lives to England. In 1642, two brothers left England, and came to Lynn, Massachusettes. They had money, and were given a title of freemen, along with 100 acres of land. Some years later one decendant came to Reading Mass, and then to Wilminton. (see pictures of Boutwell home built during the 1700s by Mr. Witcher of Woburn). In Wilmington today there is a Boutwell School house, and a Boutwell road. Govenor Boutwell was a member of the Boutwell family in Wilmington. His mansion at Groton Mass, is open to the public, and a portrait of Gov. Boutwell hangs in the library there. There is a large bust of the Govenor in the State house in Boston Mass, and there is also a portrait of the Sherriff Boutwell in the Logan Airport.

Govenor Boutwells daughter, Miss Georgianna Boutwell, that as a child she was often held on Abraham Lincoln's knee. Govenor Boutwell was a school teacher before he became govenor, and he also wrote two books. In the library of the town of lyme, New Hampshire, they have a great deal of history on the Boutwell's.

The Boutwell home is in Reading Mass, andis where my Aunt, Parthina, lived. She married a Smith, and became the mother of Burton Boutwell SSmith, Minister of the large Hope Congregational Church, in Springfield Mass. Their decendants still live there.

There is also a coast gaurd cutter named "The Boutwell"
Boutwells also married into the well known and wealthy Hood family, who own the Hood dairy company.
We are also related to the Manning's, of Billerica. They owned the Famous old house and eating establishment.

My Grandmother Sarah, is buried in the sleepy hollow cemetry, at Concord Mass, and she was Herbert Josiah Boutwells mother. (my father).

There is also a history of the Boutwells in the Lynn Massachusettes public library.
I became a historian.
My father married Margaret Etta McCallister, and they had five children.

My mother, Marjorie Frances Quimby, is George Boutwell's grandaughter.
She married my father 55 years ago, and resides now in Kirkland Washington.

The Quimby, Boutwell inheritance was fought and lost by my mother. George Boutwell had left all he owned to her, and she was an only child. Her father Nelson Lord Quimby, left her at the age of 5, and went to New York City. George and Edna, and other Aunts, raised my mother, after her mother died from walking pnuemona when she was 10.

Katrina Surdyk Barton