One Year ago today

So one year ago today, my life turned up-side down. I have to say it's been one hell of a ride. Literally.

I was married to Paul for 14 years. We have 2 boys together and we raised my granddaughter also. I considered my life to be normal. House, mortgage, jobs, bills, kids... ect. Pretty much the "white picket fence" life. Suburban. Mundane, boring.

Society has a pre-concieved notion of what marriage is. I know I did. I believed in my vows. For better or worse, but what do you do when the other person no-longer believes that way? You roll with it, like I did. I can't say it's been easy, but it was not hard either. I changed how I looked at things. I had too.

Today, I am in a better place than I was a year ago. I've healed. What I went through made me who I am now. I am enjoying my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but that's life. My kids are better. We are moving on, growing and changing and having fun while we do it.

I have a man in my life that completes me. I love the freedom of loving him without expectation. I love that we are individuals, who can be apart and confident enough in each other to pursue what we want in life and still come together and be happy. Life is good today.

I'll leave you with this. A friend of mine wrote this and it is perfect for where I am at.

Life is so full of mystery, and it is so unpredictable, but what a wonderful thing it could be if it stands the test of time.

So few hearts find the courage to hold off the darkness of the unknown, and then get lost along the way. Make sure you stay on the path.

We all search.. sometimes it seems to the ends of the earth, but the nightmares of the past weigh so heavy and harden the soul, it shoves our chances of happiness to the side, prolonging our freedom from the chains that bind so tightly.

Forgive the demons that burden your heart with suspicion and pain, grasp what has been laid before you. Hold tightly for when you have lost it, it will be gone, many times forever.

So feel the warmth that you have so longed for, the tenderness of an embrace that comes from deep within, unleash the beast that has bound your soul, fill your eyes and heart with the happiness that that all the yesterdays took away, then realize and know the magic that you only dream of, and let it become your reality.

Thank you to Frank James (Rage on Stage) For sharing your musings with me.

Gypsy..........Back to growing up

It's funny the way life is. I have written a few things on my younger brother and myself and our past. We did a lot together, and hung out with a lot of the same people, yet our lives still took somewhat different separate paths.

Lately, because of the past years events for both of us, we are seeing more and more of each other. Life has a way of scooping up everything you know, shaking the shit out of it and throwing it back out in front of you. The best part is, seeing how all the pieces realign themselves and where it all leads.

Last year I would never have thought I would be where I am right now. My brother and I were both married, both thinking long term, and now that has all changed. For both of us. I personally would not have it any other way. I'm loving my life and the people in it. They have become like family and closer in my heart than I thought possible.

Randy is back with me again too. I love the hell out of him. Yes, he's critical, yes, he can be hard, but he's my brother and I accept him for who he is. I do not try to change him, even the faults I accept. We all have them. Working on them and making them better is what counts.

We have both re-defined our goals. Our roots are still in-tack, our belief system is still the same and our core has not changed. How we look at life has. 27 years ago, Randy and I both went to night clubs on Hewitt ave in Everett, now we have come full circle. It's funny too... some of the same people are still there, after all these years, and some are new, but it seems to have come full circle.

I have 3 goals now. One, is my health and getting better, two, is giving 100% support to a man who deserves it more than anyone I have met in my life. Three is being in that mans life as an equal, before my life is over. I want my family to be apart of this too. My brother and my father especially. They know me the best, out of all the people I have known, and even though Randy and I may seem like we are at odds, we are not, it is our dynamic. We both learn from each other.

Most who have read my blog, know the man I am talking about, and I believe in destiny. Things happen for a reason. My brother back, the scene I left years ago, all of it, has brought me to this person, and I am blessed and thankful that it has.

http://youtu.be/c2aLIpiQT-E

Life changing events

I just finished reading a blog about an event that change a friends life, and I am now following it for inspiration.

This is a story of my life changing event.

15 years ago on Nov, 11th 1997, I met the man of my dreams. 14 years ago, on the 8th of January, we made a life commitment to each other. 13 years ago, on the 1st of February, I married him. We had a fairytale romance, and a beautiful little boy by June of 1999.

We were living in a rental home in Everett, and my husband decided that he wanted to go to college in Arizona for his Harley Davidson accredited mechanics degree. So we moved into his parents to save the money. During the time we were living there, my son who was 3 at the time, and in pre-school, mentioned something to the school counselor that changed the course of my husbands dreams. By the time we made it through the courts with my sons father, and a separation forced on us after 8 months, my husband was allowed to move back in with me. Also during this time, our son, Jacob, ended up with a ecol i and we almost lost him. He was 7 months old at the time. We missed each other terribly. It was a difficult time, and we did the best we could to get through it.

From his parents home, we then moved to a trailer with my son and our son. He has a daughter from a previous marriage, and we had her on weekends. We lived in the trailer home for 3 years, and had a second son. A month prior to giving birth to my second son, Gabriel, We took my oldest daughter's daughter in at the age of one. I had Gabriel on Oct. 29th 2001, and then on the 11th of Nov. 2001, I was sick at my husbands birthday and so I was rushed into the doctor. It took them 8 months to figure out what was wrong with me. I had an auto immune disorder that absorbed internal organs. My spleen was missing and I was on oral Chemotherapy. I took care of 4 children now, all under the age of 5. A newborn, a one year old, a 3 year old and a 5 year old, and drove them back and forth to school and activities, while my husband worked a job he hated. He would come home and take over for me so I could rest. I was also on very strong pain medicine back then. One night my husband had gone up to the store for me and his daughter to buy ice cream, when he came home, he was dancing. I loved him so much right then. He came in the door, and had a huge grin on his face. He had bought, not only the ice cream, but a dollar scratch ticket and won 5000.00! One of his other dreams was to build his own Harley,he already had the frame, from taxes from 1999 and with the 5000.00 we got the engine and tranny. No one in his life had ever backed him with his dreams.

I never lost sight of my marriage or my vows to my soul mate. This was forever. Amen.

In May of 2003, I asked if we could move to a house, we were squished in the trailer, and things were hard all the way around. We made a move to a house that was built in 1910 and we loved it. It had room for the kids, and us, a yard, and a creek. It was wonderful. My husband had worked for a different fence company for awhile, and then went back to the original one that he worked at when we lived at the trailer. During all these years, we had family reunions, took trips to North Dakota every year and made beautiful memories.

Life moves on.... to life changing events, cont....