Gypsy....... .........alone....(revised)

A very short post on some current events in my life. My step daughter, who will always be a daughter to me, was married this weekend. All my children were in her wedding.

I didn't go. I could have.... she invited me, but I did not feel it was appropriate considering the circumstances. I spent Friday, the day of the rehearsal trying to keep my mind off it. I spent Saturday, in a very melancholy mood, and at one point, was in tears.

In many many ways it was a blessing to me when her father left me 8 months ago, but this was one of the events in her life that I will miss, and because of that, I'm alone. Alone in having someone to share that with, alone in dealing with the pain. This is part of my past now, and moving past it has been fairly easy, except for this one. This one hurt.

It also made me realize that although I have people in my life who love and care for me, it will always be just me, taking care of me. No one else can.

Through out my life, no matter what has taken place, what paths I choose, what people were in it..... It's always been me. I'm the one who has picked up the pieces and moved on. I'm the one doing it this time.

The people who have trampled on me, taken me for granted, and ripped me up, are no longer a part of my life. The ones who do it now, will also be out of my life. It only takes once with me. Don't fuck it up. You are the one who have to answer to god for what was done. I don't judge people, it's not my place, I can sleep at night..... can they?

Trust is earned, and I am having a hard time trusting anyone at the moment. Do me a favor... don't make promises you can't keep, don't say things you don't mean, and don't make plans without letting me know what they are when they are plans that affect my life. Keep it simple. It's called integrity.

http://youtu.be/OYjZK_6i37M

Gypsy.........summer's after high school

Back to summer. My favorite time of year. The summer after high school, I was on the move. I had dated a guy that was in college, during the last 6 months of my senior year, nice, clean cut, had a job.....AND, he asked me to marry him, and I bolted.

Well, I didn't bolt Per-Se, but the running joke now is I was traded in a car deal to my daughters dad. I took one look at Mike, and thought oh shit! I am in trouble. Proverbial bad boy, with a sensitive side. Why me god? Ha! Mechanic, drummer, (another circle happening here, a blog for later) *grin* Now Mike never did anything with his music, and he could have, but he did pursue his master's mechanics degree.

We lived in a house on Wetmore, in Everett, and I was working at Panama's. This was back when you could sign the blue slip that makes you responsible for being in a bar. Mike was doing some stuff he shouldn't have, and ME, clueless blond chic from sheltered home, opens the door to the police when they showed up looking for him and sweetly says, "Oh, yea, he's here"..*sweeps hand towards garage in the back of the house*..... Silly me. So court ensues, and Mikes parents come up from Ocean shores, and the judge releases Mike on his own recognizance into his parent's custody, so off we go to Grays Harbor.

What times I had down there, some good, A lot not so good, most just wild and crazy. One incident was over a 2000.00 corvette motor that Mike and I had, and BAM, Hoquiam and Aberdeen, and Montesano Police forces, all in our face with guns drawn, and me pregnant with my daughter, and I was done pretty much. Wild life fun, but a bit too much for me. A little ditty in the local paper about a LK. Stevens woman.. < Me, and back to daddy I went. Time to grow up. Me, not him, he's still out there having fun. Love him to death, but most the time, want to choke the hell out of him. *laughs* These days, he's called Grandpa Twitchy, and is also referred to as my never was in-law out-law.
It's all good. More later~

You don't have to Cry, by CSN

http://youtu.be/1awtlA6Nr64