1st seduction

She's in the kitchen... facing the counter... 

He walks in behind her, encompassing her, but not touching. Laying his hands on the counter. 

She turns to him, eye's lowered... like he likes. Yet he says, look at me, allowing her the eye contact she craves.... letting her watch what he is going to do to her... 

this time... 

He knows she's a bit of an exhibitionist... wanting to see what he is going to do, letting her, because she has earned it. She has pleased him. 

Now, he is going to please her.... in ways she has not experienced. He slowly goes down, removing her stockings, rolling down to her ankles... 

Raising her calve, removing the stocking's one by one... he then looks up to her, to see if she is watching, keeping eye contact, he then removes her panties... placing his hand on her maidenhead. 

Circling her clitoris slowly with his thumb... until he feels her wetness... then gently, he slides his finger into her... then out... watching as she closes her eyes, watching her enjoy the sensation... 

He stands then... not allowing her to touch,  but still allowing the eye contact. he traces her lips with his tongue, taking her mouth in his, he plunges into her... kissing deeply... 

Still keeping her aroused, he lifts her in his arms, taking her to the bedroom. Laying her upon the bed, he leans in, whispering for her to open her eyes again... to watch him.. 

His cock is hard.... he brings her hand to it... having her guide him into her... she is pliant, liquid, melting as he enters her... 

They fit, he plunges past her maidenhead, taking her swiftly.. there is not pain, none that she remembers.. the sensations running over her skin are tantalizing... his presence in her is filling..... his cock making her want more, harder... 

He takes her to a peak, her entire being quivering..... then pulls back... watching her, watch him. He's back on her mouth, her breast's... bringing her more and more sensations as he lays still inside her. 

He begins again, slowly moving, rocking... she is begging now... moving with him, matching her moves to his... finally, going over the edge, as he plunges deep, spilling his seed into her as she joins him in ecstasy. 

Turning point

Another life changing event. I am now, alone.  Alone with my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams.....and pain. The pain of letting go. Loss. 

Grief is a funny thing. I'm OK, then not OK.  It rears up and hits me, sometimes with a word, or a song... a picture, a card, or just out of nowhere. Yes, the current loss is new, fresh and I know it will take time.... a long time. 

I've made a lot of choices in my life, some good, some not so good, but each one taught me something. Each lesson learned gave me an opportunity to grow. 

I am grieving now, a hard choice, a hard lesson. Trying to deal with an old loss, and a new one. Trying not to blame the old one,   for what is taking place now. In doing that, I would be denying  those of you who have come into my life since. 

I cannot deny that, nor my own nature. They bring me joy, comfort, love, support... some of you have become dear, very quickly.  Some of you... whom I thought to let go of, indeed, almost did, are still on this journey with me. 

With this new loss, I am given an opportunity to hope.  A new journey begins, with new dreams. New love...new friendships.  A future I will mold and shape to my passions. 

I know I will have days where I will feel mired in, immobilized, and stuck, like today;  but I also know those will pass ...and I will come out the stronger for them, wiser and more in tune with myself... my surroundings, and my friendships. 

This is my time now, to be the best of me, to create.... to do what I know I can do. I will write my story, make my own music, forge my own path...  All by design. 

love and peace~ 

Living behind the Veil

I read this book, many years ago. At the time, I was married to a man from the Middle East. 

But that is not what this is about. It's funny, I put a  poem up on facebook yesterday, "Letting go", Author Unknown. The comments and shares on this were long. One of them was from a friend in Hawaii. She said I inspired her. 

I almost commented on this. My comment would have been something like this.... 

I don't feel like I inspire anyone. I can barely inspire myself. 
I have been living a life behind a computer screen, behind a person, behind what my actual truth is. 

I write, and hopefully, one day for a living, but as a writer, I write about things I want, a way of life. I write about a lot of things. My life, what I've been through, what I am going through, what I want, where I want to be.. hopes dreams, failure's... I write about all of it..  
The point is, we all live behind a veil. 

We have faces; faces that are private, faces for public... we hide behind what hurts us, what pleases us... how we live our life. We have a tendency to hold close what we feel in truth. We don't allow that out. 

It's not easy to reach out, it scares people. It brings a reality to a situation that we may not want to really look at. I put a lot out here in my writing, but just as much as I put out, I keep in. 

I don't know that this is good, or bad. I really have no thoughts on it at the moment, I just know, we all do it. There are pieces of ourselves we keep. 

I write to let some of that go.. to get it out of me, but I don't write it all.... maybe one day I will... maybe 

Delicious ambiguity

Sometimes in life,  our paths are not clear; that is OK.  It's not always about a beginning, or middle, or even an ending. 

Life is about not knowing,  from one moment to the next what one is going to do. Its about taking a moment and making it you're's. Making the best of it without knowing what is going to happen next. 

We always have a goal, a plan, a clear thought on what we want, where we may be headed, and even how we may get there. But things come along that change that;  or attempt to.  Sometimes in a big way, sometimes in a small way. 

We don't know. But when those times happen, the idea is to not let the moment change you, or define you. The idea is to live it, whether if be a good moment, or a bad one. Shape it to who we are, and move it in the same direction as we plan on moving. 

Take it with us, if you will.  Not the tangible; that is not what I am talking about. The intangible. The moment's that we learn from. Wounds that are inflicted upon us, heal, but they stay with us. They are a lesson. Intangible moments stay to.... it is just harder to grasp. 

But they teach us also. Take every moment with you. There is no good, with out bad. No light, without dark.  No love, without hate.  We learn from all of this. 

Make it you're's. Own it. Write your own story. Don't let anyone else do it. 

Peace~

The shower

She enter's the bathroom, and starts the shower. Hot.. she like's it almost scalding. As the steam starts to fill the room, she disrobes; letting her sheer gown drop to the floor. She pulls aside the curtain.... 

The room is scented with lavender... he's been watching her, through the partially open door. The curve of her back, as she steps into the steam and disappears into the hot cascades of water. 

Following, he silently stands just outside the door, studying her shape through the curtain; tracing the lines of her curves with his eyes... he's hungry for her... 

He enters the room quietly, undressing.... pulling the curtain open slowly, he steps in behind her... her back to him. He puts his hands on her hips.. stilling her... she knows what is coming, she knows him... 

Pushing her wet hair to the side, he kisses her neck and the back of her shoulders.. keeping her in place. He reaches around her; pulling her arms above her head, holding them there, with one hand as he slowly traces her breasts. She is slick from the oil she uses... 

His scent and the lavender mingle together as she leans her head back in submission on his shoulder... , his hand comes up and turns her head for a deep wet kiss... he wraps her fingers around the shower head, making her keep them there... using both hands to massage her breasts and stomach... 

She can feel his hardness, and her breathing comes faster as he continues his assault on her senses. Moving from her stomach to her womanhood... his hand cups her, feeling her slickness along with the hot water.... 

Gently rubbing her clitoris, he nudges the back of her knee up to gain better access. She lifts her foot to the side of the tub... She wants him, but cannot say so, until he tells her to ask. Quivering with need, she waits... he is driving her to the edge with just his hands... her buttocks push into him.. 

Finally, he whisper's to her, "tell me" he says, tell me to take you... She almost falls with relief... knowing he will soon be inside her.. "take me" she begs... "take me hard" ...

He does, slamming into her from behind.. he's holding her around the waist, her hands and cheek against the shower wall, water pounding down, in rhythm with his movements... 

The heat, the water, her senses assaulted, by all, him.. she comes in waves as he does, both becoming slack with release... coming to rest against her wet back.. hearts slowing down... He stays inside her... holding her, until she finds her balance... 

He leans over, turning her to him, washing her now... soaping her breasts and privates.. letting her soap him... 

Clean, he turns the water off, still holding her... picking her up, stepping out of the shower, he reaches for the towel, and wraps her in it... taking her to the bed... 

Still wet... he starts again.. 

The Dock

She faces him, with the wind in her hair; waves rolling in to the shore in the background. 
Studying his face....searching his eyes, questioning. 

He reaches for her, and pulls her into his embrace. Cupping her face, he raises her lips to his.... slowly he traces her mouth with his tongue,  softly biting the edges, arousing her to open, going deeper into the kiss... passion spreading between them.. 

Heat curling through her body....the wind, still whipping her hair, mixing with his hair, she grasps hold, bringing his kiss deeper still... prolonging it.... pulling apart, he traces kisses down her neck, nibbles... 

Her nipples peak, hardening as he comes closer to their mounds... he cups her from the side, running his hand gently across the hardened peak... the touch, through her clothing is adding to the sensation.... making her quiver with need... 

Touching each other now, they explore the contours of their bodies... giving to each other, equally, her... running her nails, up his back... under his shirt... feeling his heat... ..

Oblivious to the surroundings, time has no place here.... just thoughts, emotions, passion, and complete seduction... 

A gull startles them; he takes her hand.. pulling her back to his car... seating her. She waits until he is in, and falls on him.. wanting only to ravage his senses, like he has done to her... their lips meet, his crushing, this kiss is deep, long...She falls back with him above her...  his hands are exploring again... down her stomach... 

To the core of her.... he finds her wet, hot... ready for release.. his finger tips trace her clitoris ...bringing her to the brink, then pulling back... all the while, he's suckling at her breast.... 

She explodes... climaxing in waves... spiraling out of herself.... then slowly coming back to him... her eyes open, he's watching her... pulling his hand from her wetness, he sucks her taste into his mouth, then leans over... and kisses her.... letting her taste her own sweetness....

A whisper

In the early light of dawn, there is a whisper; across her soft skin.... just a hint of warm air... 
a touch, soft, barely there... tracing slowly down her exposed hip.. 

she awakens slowly, still in a dream state, and turns into the touch, wanting more.... arching into him.... stretching languidly... 

opening her eyes, watching him.... sleepy still, yet aroused... quiet...just feeling.. 

his touch is exquisite; sending chills running up and down her body... letting him work his magic on her, 

she flushes with desire, but waits.... anticipating.. wanting more, but not wanting the touch to stop.. 

he slowly, cups her nipples, she feels his warm breath, as he circles them with his tongue...
she feels her body quicken... a flood of hot wetness... a sheen of heat across her skin... 

out of her mind with desire, passion building ... heart throbbing, he's attune to her..  sliding his hand down to her wetness.... touching again, gently... slowing her down... 

seducing her with touch.... devouring her... finally, finally, taking her... hard, deep, slow strokes,  building her up again.... until she peaks... crashing in waves, over and over.. becoming like sand on a beach; as the wave goes back to sea... settling.. coming to rest; laying against his chest... 

heartbeat slowing... resting... sliding back  into slumber in his arms. 

Completely random.... or is it?

My thoughts have scattered to the winds, and come back like fall leaves and settle in, laying in a gently mound at my feet. 

So much on my mind, what I want, what is right, where I'm going.... 

My focus, comes and goes... starting with one thought, and growing into something more... becoming bigger, clearer, and then falling apart, and starting over again. Seeing something elusive,  just out of reach... like a dream, with a mist around the edges. Wavering, then becoming clear. 

Reaching out... touching the clearness, then having it disappear as I close my hand on it. Scattering like confetti... Starting again, working the thoughts into shapes. The shapes into tangible ideas... 

Dreams,  like a million stars in a midnight sky.... blinking in and out... some falling, some becoming brighter. Shaping and re shaping into beautiful bright lights....

Lights, shinning the way, to something more... fulfillment. 


Life by design, my journey is beginning.....play on maestro... play on 

Peace~  

Beginnings and Endings

I’ve lived through things I would never have thought I was capable of, and because of it I am stronger and wiser. The process of wounding awakens us to our strength. It shuffles our values, and the top priority is never what you thought it would be. It’s never about perfection, or power. It always turns out to be about love. Knowing ourselves to be vulnerable and our time here to be limited, we’re freed to live more passionately, and fully than we have before, to discover what’s worth fighting for and who we are. Real strength is buried at the depths of any wound we have survived..

It doesn't matter where life has taken us, it's never too late to make a change. If where you are is not where you feel you should be, it's simply because you're becoming enlightened. You're learning, flourishing. You now have an opportunity to move forward from this moment into a life that better suits the new you. Perhaps life leading up to this point is starting to make sense. It's becoming clear that everything in your past has been for a reason, a growth opportunity, to make you stronger. You suddenly feel different, as if everything around you is miraculously changing. Welcome to the doors of a new you. Do not be afraid to enter.

Whether your life up to this point has been easy or whether it has been difficult, you are here just the same. And your destiny does not care one bit about your past You will understand why when you look back, the answers are rarely given in the middle of the lesson.

Only at the end. 

Moving forward

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment; there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready.


Moving forward is not easy for most people. We are steeped in routine, a lot of which is done by rote. We fear change, the unknown. A lifetime of misery will not go away overnight. It takes daily cleansing of negativity to clear the way forwards.


It is so much easier to grow and change in an atmosphere of love and encouragement. Live with intention, don't just survive. Don't settle. Walk to the edge, practice wellness, choose with no regret. Live as if there is nothing else. 


Sometime, there  is not next time, no time out's, no second chances. Sometimes, it's now or never. 

Make it happen. 

Somewhere girl

Caught...... in the between. Searching for something, somewhere. Nature verses nurture... 

Antony Youssef Ahmed 

My son writes to me in the middle of the night, 

you are strong mom, and I don't say it enough, but I love you. You'll be fine, 

How does my 18 year old know this? Maybe because his goals, hopes and dreams, changed when mine did. 

Maybe he really does get it, this child of mine. 

He's always been my heart. The one I fight for, the one I would gladly die for. 

Had his father made his goal years ago, I would have traveled to the Middle East at the time with a friend of mine who is a mercenary. 

I don't know that my son know's the whole story. I know he hears one thing from his father, another from his step father.... 

I've tried to teach him logic. Question everything.  Nothing in life is guaranteed. 

He's growing up now, has his own life, college, a girlfriend... so he see's.... 

He has the gift of discernment. He's a smart young man. he'll make it too. 

Me? I'm somewhere..... still looking.. still wanting. It's my path. My Journey. 

Abracadabra

Abracadabra is a Hebrew term meaning, I create what I speak. 

One would like to believe that, in theory this works. However, I think you have to feel it too... not just speak it. Passion, creates momentum. Forward movement. 

To move on to a creative space, to be passionate about what you do. You not only speak it, you feel it, and then live it. 

I have to visualize what I want in my life, then go out and get it. Sitting back waiting for anything to happen is not the correct way to approach anything you do. 

I have once more a vision in place of how I want my life. My company closing was the catalyst for the newest dream. I have a 6 month goal, and a 1 year goal. I'm going to be proactive in making this happen. 

No more will I be immobilized by what someone may think or feel about it. This is my life, and I am getting back to it. I've allowed to many intrusions into what I need for me, my children and those I love. I will not allow someone else to dictate my actions. Mine do not dictate others, I won't give that part of myself up anymore. 

In the end, waving the magic wand and saying abracadabra would be nice, but unfortunately it does not work. 

So here is to once more, a new vision, a new direction, and a new goal. I want a storefront, a boutique, with music memorabilia, home decor concerning music, pictures that are framed that have to do with music. Everything music.  You have to see it, not just speak it, and it will materialize. 

peace~