Sunday, June 26, 2011
A very short post on some current events in my life. My step daughter, who will always be a daughter to me, was married this weekend. All my children were in her wedding.
I didn't go. I could have.... she invited me, but I did not feel it was appropriate considering the circumstances. I spent Friday, the day of the rehearsal trying to keep my mind off it. I spent Saturday, in a very melancholy mood, and at one point, was in tears.
In many many ways it was a blessing to me when her father left me 8 months ago, but this was one of the events in her life that I will miss, and because of that, I'm alone. Alone in having someone to share that with, alone in dealing with the pain. This is part of my past now, and moving past it has been fairly easy, except for this one. This one hurt.
It also made me realize that although I have people in my life who love and care for me, it will always be just me, taking care of me. No one else can.
Through out my life, no matter what has taken place, what paths I choose, what people were in it..... It's always been me. I'm the one who has picked up the pieces and moved on. I'm the one doing it this time.
The people who have trampled on me, taken me for granted, and ripped me up, are no longer a part of my life. The ones who do it now, will also be out of my life. It only takes once with me. Don't fuck it up. You are the one who have to answer to god for what was done. I don't judge people, it's not my place, I can sleep at night..... can they?
Trust is earned, and I am having a hard time trusting anyone at the moment. Do me a favor... don't make promises you can't keep, don't say things you don't mean, and don't make plans without letting me know what they are when they are plans that affect my life. Keep it simple. It's called integrity.