Wednesday, September 28, 2011

One Year ago today

So one year ago today, my life turned up-side down. I have to say it's been one hell of a ride. Literally.

I was married to Paul for 14 years. We have 2 boys together and we raised my granddaughter also. I considered my life to be normal. House, mortgage, jobs, bills, kids... ect. Pretty much the "white picket fence" life. Suburban. Mundane, boring.

Society has a pre-concieved notion of what marriage is. I know I did. I believed in my vows. For better or worse, but what do you do when the other person no-longer believes that way? You roll with it, like I did. I can't say it's been easy, but it was not hard either. I changed how I looked at things. I had too.

Today, I am in a better place than I was a year ago. I've healed. What I went through made me who I am now. I am enjoying my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but that's life. My kids are better. We are moving on, growing and changing and having fun while we do it.

I have a man in my life that completes me. I love the freedom of loving him without expectation. I love that we are individuals, who can be apart and confident enough in each other to pursue what we want in life and still come together and be happy. Life is good today.

I'll leave you with this. A friend of mine wrote this and it is perfect for where I am at.

Life is so full of mystery, and it is so unpredictable, but what a wonderful thing it could be if it stands the test of time.

So few hearts find the courage to hold off the darkness of the unknown, and then get lost along the way. Make sure you stay on the path.

We all search.. sometimes it seems to the ends of the earth, but the nightmares of the past weigh so heavy and harden the soul, it shoves our chances of happiness to the side, prolonging our freedom from the chains that bind so tightly.

Forgive the demons that burden your heart with suspicion and pain, grasp what has been laid before you. Hold tightly for when you have lost it, it will be gone, many times forever.

So feel the warmth that you have so longed for, the tenderness of an embrace that comes from deep within, unleash the beast that has bound your soul, fill your eyes and heart with the happiness that that all the yesterdays took away, then realize and know the magic that you only dream of, and let it become your reality.

Thank you to Frank James (Rage on Stage) For sharing your musings with me.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Putting it in perspective

I have to say, that this weekend was one ENLIGHTENING weekend!

I have been in the process of getting the kids on the same page as me, since, well, for a YEAR NOW! (actually much longer, but we'll stick with the past year where it has been just me and the kids) It's sad when one adult undermines another, just because they have a difference of opinion in raising children. It's the kids that suffer the most when this happens.

Electronic age: <<<< Yea, that's what I wrote. OH? you thought this was about the kids? It is... I'll get there. So, growing up, as far back as when I was 4-5 years of age, we had a party line. What's that you say? You remember, the old rotary phone where you shared the lines coming into the neighborhood with your neighbors? Still don't know what it is? Well, no matter, because the point is this, we didn't have access to cell phones, game boys, Xbox, PS what the hell ever they are! We had a T.V, that you had to get up to change the channel on, a phone that you had to be in the house to use, and only with the parent's permission, and those were a PRIVILEGE! We EARNED THEM!

How did we earn them you ask? chores... CHORES! Yea, and we did the chores and did not threaten calling child protective services because one of us had a HARDER chore than the other, or it WASN'T fair! Good lord, the kids these days have it EASY, and they think we are virtually killing them! OH, and food? We ate what was put on our plates. Period. Why? Because, that's what mom and dad could afford, and if we weren't at the dinner table when mom put it on, then we were sh*t out of luck. We also said prayer's before each and every meal. Thanking god for what we have, not asking for what we DIDN'T have.

Let me say this. My kids are good kids. They have been through the wringer on some things, but they are basically good kids. BUT, they expect to much for to little. Sorry, is that selfish of me to say? Pfffttt.... too bad! This is their home. They have a roof over their head and food in their belly. Much more than a lot of people have in this day and age.

Last night when the kids got home from their weekend with dad, I sat them down and had a talk. No more electronics in this house, they will earn the right to use them, and that will be limited use, based on attitude and performance. I want my family back. I want peace and harmony in this house, and I can't get it with the constant bickering over game time, cell phone texting, calls, T V, ect.... so I am done. I'm taking them back to the dark ages as my kids say, but if that's what it takes to make these kids responsible productive adults, then that is what is going to happen.

As for what happens elsewhere in their life, that is up to the adults in the other households they are in. Would it be nice if all concerned were in agreement? You bet, but that is not the case, so I focus on what I can do in my home. Period. I don't have time or energy to worry about what goes on outside of here.

My status today is this:
A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like. Her dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it in into small pieces. He told her to go to her room and see if she can put it together. After some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together. The dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said on the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together.
This is how my home is going to be from now on. God's here, and he stays. My kids need the simple things in life, and so do I. They need to be kids. Buying them everything under the sun does not make them kids. Teaching them responsibility and accountability is what will give them peace and allow them to be unfettered and free to be kids.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Back to school..... I had to use the word quiet this morning!

1st day back to school! What can I say, this is my 2nd favorite time of year. NO KIDS IN THE HOUSE!!!
Most parents I know look forward to this day all summer. Sending the kids off is equal to semi retirment in my eyes. I get the house to myself, come and go as I please, and SLEEP if I want to!
This year, my kids are all old enough to where I don't have to worry about going to the schools with them, getting them organized, making sure the backpacks have all the neccsessites, ect... I can kick back and relax. They have reached the age of self suffeciency. BWAHHH HAAA HAAA.... who the hell am I kidding?
SO this morning starts off feeling like a Monday, and let me tell you, it deserves an oscar for it's preformance. (Borrowed that line) lol... but it fits. Up at 5am, coffee on, news, quiet..... sweet, then it begins. 1st kid up. (my children are on staggered school schedules) Antony leaves at 6:30am, Jacob leaves at 7:30 am, and Alexis and Gabriel leave at 9am. By the time Antony is out the door, they are ALL up! Dang, why can't they sleep a little bit? However, they did pretty good on being quiet, until Jake decides he is leaving early to meet Jefferey. THEN it begins.
In and out the door, my forever negotiator..... (
In the meantime, the dog needs to go out, Alexis gets up, *looks at me* says, I'm going back to bed. (Thank god!) and then Jake is out the door.
What a morning, and it's not even 7:30 am yet. Gabriel and Alexis leave at 8:55am, and then I have MY time. I had a list of things to do today, but you know what? I'm done for the morning. It can all wait till later.
I had all my tabs open on the computer, facebook, hootsuite, eBay, gmail, blogger, ect... I was working away. Now it's quiet again... SHHHH..... probably not for long since I just jinxed it and typed that one out, but I am making a fresh pot of coffee, and going to sit in the fresh air. I'm going to enjoy my 1st day without a thing to do. No, I don't want to hear it, the list? yea, does not exsist now, nothing to do. K? My day.