Monday, November 11, 2013

Restrictions

I don't know if this is a matter of perception or a double standard. My belief is this is a double standard. 

Years ago, I was married to a man from the middle east. When we met, I was a bouncer. Had been for several years, and worked for who I later found out was a relative of his, although that is being denied now, I still have not clue. Bottom line is, he was a bartender, and I was the bouncer. 

Anyway, we were together 2 years prior to getting married and I was warned, over and over again not to go through with it. I was raised not to judge, and I was not going to judge this one person on a whole country's faults.  (my bad) In retrospect, maybe I should have. 

As soon as we were married, in came the rules. I was not allowed to drink more than 2 drinks, I was not allowed to dress the way I dressed when we met, I was not allowed to go out with certain friends, because they would influence me the wrong way. Haaaha... really? Did I not have a mind of my own? Apparently in his perception, I did not. 

He wanted me to get a "feminine" job. IE; secretary, painting my nails and answering phones, wearing skirts and blazers and heels. We lived in a high end neighborhood and drove a Porsche. We owned an import/export Jewelry business and traveled to Trade shows all over the US. (or rather he traveled for the most part) I ran all the marketing and booking from home and continued my "regular" job. 

As the marriage progressed and we went deeper in debt, we would get in arguments about where the money was. You see, it was very simple, we either had stock, or profit, not zero profit and no stock. He was spending money on 300.00 dinners, and giving the jewelry away to bring back customers. He knew nothing of marketing, nor of being faithful I later found out. 

I worked for D.O.D at the time, and would find mail for him from New York with illegal substances in it. I was livid. He was risking everything I worked for. The bitch of it was, I was constantly criticized for everything I did, because it was a reflection on him, yet it was OK for him to do what he was doing. 

If your going to get married make sure you talk to your partner about the coming years and expectations. 
Needless to say this marriage ended as quick as it got started. I hate double standards. I give anyone a chance in a relationship, but I expect the same courtesy. If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. Be careful of what you decide you want in life and what your boundaries are. Mine are simple. I give the same as I get. 
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