Caffeine morning, and nicotine hangover

Sometimes I sit and ponder why and how people turn out the way they do. Why people just don't get it. I think that most people are fucked. 

Most people think that most people are pretty decent on the surface, but I think most people are just plain fucked. Only a small hand-full of society are really worth a shit. 

Everyone is caught up in STATUS.  I own a house, a new car or two or more toys. I have a husband and the same father to all my kids. I am JUST PERFECT. 

The only problem is none of these people are  happy or secure, or maybe that is just my perception. I am not saying all of this just to turn around and say that I am happy or secure  myself.  Most times I am pretty happy and for the most part I am secure. However, I do have my days.  I was not pulled out of a doll box or from some factory. I do not own a house or a new car. I don't have a lot of money in the bank nor am I married, have expensive toys to play with or even the same father to my children. It's OK.  These things do not define the type of person I am. I know that in God's good time, I will acquire, through hard work and credibility, a home, a new car, and all of the other things in life that I want. 

I can sit and compare my self to others. I can tell you exactly who I am,  what I think and every last one of my opinions. But despite this I am lacking in knowledge of who is true, and who is not.  I was  taught that a friend is for life. That one I am not too sure of, because I just wonder how it is that I determine when a person has crossed over to no longer someone, but my friend. When do you know that you can turn around and say THAT PERSON is my friend, and they support me  and I know that they will not judge me or ridicule me. 

I know that they will keep in mind my feelings. My heart, kind soul and my honor towards those I respect are what make me who I am. The things that I have or have been through or even the things that I am going through do not define my essence. 

 I could have all the money and stuff in the world, and I would not be happy. I could have the perfect body and a desirable job, a ton of friends that all have the same, but this would not define me. I would rather surround my self with more flawed and defected REAL people like myself, that drive average cars and have a boyfriend and rental home than with these STATUS ZOMBIES that parade around the world in a facade and are just as plastic as the box's they came out of.

 I think my father said it best: You can load a donkey down with books, but in the end he is still just an ass. You can teach a man all the teachable things in the world, but in the end, he is still only a man. In the end, we are all just human. None of us perfect or better than the other, just that, just a bunch of fucked up humans.