A low....again

Considering what my blessings are lately, I am still feeling in a low. It just seems I get one step forward, then hurled a million steps back. I know in reality it's not a million, but it seems like it. it feels like a tornado, dragging me in to an abyss so deep, I can't see out of it. 

I've been continuing to write, despite my lack of computer, have done it all from my phone. Determination? I don't know, or could be no direction and boredom combined. I have been looking for work for over a month, and yesterday it sort of fell in my lap through a good friend. My computer was not totaled and so another good friend was able to fix it for me for a small price. I should feel better about all this... I'm going forward... but I guess I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Yea, yea, think positive, be persistent, yada yada... I know. Christ, do I know. All my life has been centered around goals that I don't seem quite able to obtain. Schooling, business, money, relationships, family. All just seems to get knocked back, again and again. 

I have great people around me, I live a fairly decent life, have fun and experience more than your average person I guess, but due to all this, I just can't seem to get a handle on a direct route to what I want. 


It always comes down to what I need to do for my family and so I am second. Not that that is a horrible thing, it just gets discouraging  I know things need to get done in order to do other things. I get it. But really, come on.... enough is enough. We Know! We get it! Let us move forward. Quit throwing wrenches in the spokes, it's really annoying. 

Anyway, I am thankful for the people in my life and the ones who are my  friends, who follow me and support me. My family and all of you who have added value to my life. 

Trying to pull myself out of this mood. Out of here~ Peace~