liars, game players, drama..... BS!

The one thing I will tell you about me, that most know, and some don't. I don't like liars! I never have, never will. 

When you lie, you have to tell more to cover up the 1st one. Whats the point? Really? When someone wants something in life, go out and get it. Don't lie about it. It may hurt the people around you, but dragging it out hurts more. 

It's like cutting your arm off. Would you prefer the a slow long slice, or a quick cut, all the way through and be done with it? 

Well this is where I stand. I don't lie. I won't lie, and if someone does not like it, well then to bad. That is me. 

I will give you 100% until you screw me over, then I am done, and what I mean by that, is, I am done. No lies, no games, no bullshit. Done, moving on. Period. 

Why cannot more people be like this. Life would be so much more simpler if they were. More people would be happier and healthier, if we just were true to ourselves and everyone else in our life.  

Be real people. Don't lie, honesty is the best policy. I know, cliche, but it is. 

Life

Its amazing what one person can do. Some people build you up just to bend and break you.

Some people bring out parts of you that you had no clue existed.

All throughout life, we meet people and every single one of them brings something to us, gives us some sort of purpose. We come across people that will hurt us so incredibly much that it seems unbearable to go on with our lives, but the truth is, we can overcome anything we want to if we believe in it enough.

If we have lost faith in ourselves, in who we are, then the most important thing in life is to find yourself, know who you are at all times and stand by that for the rest of your life.

No one has to right to tell you who you are and control your life, because its yours. Your life is meant to be lived by no one else but yourself.

We sometimes let people get the best of us, destroy us, and change our opinions on what we believe is true.

Only you know whats right for yourself. You have the power, you make the choices and you learn.

Each experience we go through in a life is a lesson to be learned. We all make mistakes.

Why is that so hard for some to understand? No one should be judged by the mistakes they have made. Its past news.

Everything happens for a reason, and without the hard times, how will we ever realize our true strength?

Its only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside, when we realize how much we can actually put up with and deal with before we eventually get tired of it and move on.

Live life to it's fullest, it's the only one you have.

One Year ago today

So one year ago today, my life turned up-side down. I have to say it's been one hell of a ride. Literally.

I was married to Paul for 14 years. We have 2 boys together and we raised my granddaughter also. I considered my life to be normal. House, mortgage, jobs, bills, kids... ect. Pretty much the "white picket fence" life. Suburban. Mundane, boring.

Society has a pre-concieved notion of what marriage is. I know I did. I believed in my vows. For better or worse, but what do you do when the other person no-longer believes that way? You roll with it, like I did. I can't say it's been easy, but it was not hard either. I changed how I looked at things. I had too.

Today, I am in a better place than I was a year ago. I've healed. What I went through made me who I am now. I am enjoying my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but that's life. My kids are better. We are moving on, growing and changing and having fun while we do it.

I have a man in my life that completes me. I love the freedom of loving him without expectation. I love that we are individuals, who can be apart and confident enough in each other to pursue what we want in life and still come together and be happy. Life is good today.

I'll leave you with this. A friend of mine wrote this and it is perfect for where I am at.

Life is so full of mystery, and it is so unpredictable, but what a wonderful thing it could be if it stands the test of time.

So few hearts find the courage to hold off the darkness of the unknown, and then get lost along the way. Make sure you stay on the path.

We all search.. sometimes it seems to the ends of the earth, but the nightmares of the past weigh so heavy and harden the soul, it shoves our chances of happiness to the side, prolonging our freedom from the chains that bind so tightly.

Forgive the demons that burden your heart with suspicion and pain, grasp what has been laid before you. Hold tightly for when you have lost it, it will be gone, many times forever.

So feel the warmth that you have so longed for, the tenderness of an embrace that comes from deep within, unleash the beast that has bound your soul, fill your eyes and heart with the happiness that that all the yesterdays took away, then realize and know the magic that you only dream of, and let it become your reality.

Thank you to Frank James (Rage on Stage) For sharing your musings with me.

Putting it in perspective

I have to say, that this weekend was one ENLIGHTENING weekend!

I have been in the process of getting the kids on the same page as me, since, well, for a YEAR NOW! (actually much longer, but we'll stick with the past year where it has been just me and the kids) It's sad when one adult undermines another, just because they have a difference of opinion in raising children. It's the kids that suffer the most when this happens.

Electronic age: <<<< Yea, that's what I wrote. OH? you thought this was about the kids? It is... I'll get there. So, growing up, as far back as when I was 4-5 years of age, we had a party line. What's that you say? You remember, the old rotary phone where you shared the lines coming into the neighborhood with your neighbors? Still don't know what it is? Well, no matter, because the point is this, we didn't have access to cell phones, game boys, Xbox, PS what the hell ever they are! We had a T.V, that you had to get up to change the channel on, a phone that you had to be in the house to use, and only with the parent's permission, and those were a PRIVILEGE! We EARNED THEM!

How did we earn them you ask? chores... CHORES! Yea, and we did the chores and did not threaten calling child protective services because one of us had a HARDER chore than the other, or it WASN'T fair! Good lord, the kids these days have it EASY, and they think we are virtually killing them! OH, and food? We ate what was put on our plates. Period. Why? Because, that's what mom and dad could afford, and if we weren't at the dinner table when mom put it on, then we were sh*t out of luck. We also said prayer's before each and every meal. Thanking god for what we have, not asking for what we DIDN'T have.

Let me say this. My kids are good kids. They have been through the wringer on some things, but they are basically good kids. BUT, they expect to much for to little. Sorry, is that selfish of me to say? Pfffttt.... too bad! This is their home. They have a roof over their head and food in their belly. Much more than a lot of people have in this day and age.

Last night when the kids got home from their weekend with dad, I sat them down and had a talk. No more electronics in this house, they will earn the right to use them, and that will be limited use, based on attitude and performance. I want my family back. I want peace and harmony in this house, and I can't get it with the constant bickering over game time, cell phone texting, calls, T V, ect.... so I am done. I'm taking them back to the dark ages as my kids say, but if that's what it takes to make these kids responsible productive adults, then that is what is going to happen.

As for what happens elsewhere in their life, that is up to the adults in the other households they are in. Would it be nice if all concerned were in agreement? You bet, but that is not the case, so I focus on what I can do in my home. Period. I don't have time or energy to worry about what goes on outside of here.

My status today is this:

A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like. Her dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it in into small pieces. He told her to go to her room and see if she can put it together. After some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together. The dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said on the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together.

This is how my home is going to be from now on. God's here, and he stays. My kids need the simple things in life, and so do I. They need to be kids. Buying them everything under the sun does not make them kids. Teaching them responsibility and accountability is what will give them peace and allow them to be unfettered and free to be kids.

Back to school..... I had to use the word quiet this morning!

1st day back to school! What can I say, this is my 2nd favorite time of year. NO KIDS IN THE HOUSE!!!

Most parents I know look forward to this day all summer. Sending the kids off is equal to semi retirment in my eyes. I get the house to myself, come and go as I please, and SLEEP if I want to!

This year, my kids are all old enough to where I don't have to worry about going to the schools with them, getting them organized, making sure the backpacks have all the neccsessites, ect... I can kick back and relax. They have reached the age of self suffeciency. BWAHHH HAAA HAAA.... who the hell am I kidding?

SO this morning starts off feeling like a Monday, and let me tell you, it deserves an oscar for it's preformance. (Borrowed that line) lol... but it fits. Up at 5am, coffee on, news, quiet..... sweet, then it begins. 1st kid up. (my children are on staggered school schedules) Antony leaves at 6:30am, Jacob leaves at 7:30 am, and Alexis and Gabriel leave at 9am. By the time Antony is out the door, they are ALL up! Dang, why can't they sleep a little bit? However, they did pretty good on being quiet, until Jake decides he is leaving early to meet Jefferey. THEN it begins.

In and out the door, my forever negotiator..... (

In the meantime, the dog needs to go out, Alexis gets up, *looks at me* says, I'm going back to bed. (Thank god!) and then Jake is out the door.

What a morning, and it's not even 7:30 am yet. Gabriel and Alexis leave at 8:55am, and then I have MY time. I had a list of things to do today, but you know what? I'm done for the morning. It can all wait till later.

I had all my tabs open on the computer, facebook, hootsuite, eBay, gmail, blogger, ect... I was working away. Now it's quiet again... SHHHH..... probably not for long since I just jinxed it and typed that one out, but I am making a fresh pot of coffee, and going to sit in the fresh air. I'm going to enjoy my 1st day without a thing to do. No, I don't want to hear it, the list? yea, does not exsist now, nothing to do. K? My day.

Letting go

We have all been in that spot. You know the one, where you want to chuck it all and say F*K it.

We'll I've been in that spot for a few weeks now... Yea, I know the drill, it is what it is. Let the cards fall where they may, blah blah blah... but there are time's that we end up here and it becomes hard to get out of here.

So, This blog is to do that. Get me out of here. HA! <-------- nope, didn't work.

I've always always just rolled with things. My whole life. Still rolling with it. School is starting soon, so trying to get the kids back on track and schedules straightened out. Adjusting to new circumstances in my life. New routines.

Working on the blingmybra campaign and making decisions about my future. Big changes coming, and hoping these are all for the better. What I do know, is God has control of this one, not me, never have, but he's got it even more so now.

So, I am out tonight. Have to be, need to be, getting my head together. Hopefully. Have a good night all~

Gypsy..........Back to growing up

It's funny the way life is. I have written a few things on my younger brother and myself and our past. We did a lot together, and hung out with a lot of the same people, yet our lives still took somewhat different separate paths.

Lately, because of the past years events for both of us, we are seeing more and more of each other. Life has a way of scooping up everything you know, shaking the shit out of it and throwing it back out in front of you. The best part is, seeing how all the pieces realign themselves and where it all leads.

Last year I would never have thought I would be where I am right now. My brother and I were both married, both thinking long term, and now that has all changed. For both of us. I personally would not have it any other way. I'm loving my life and the people in it. They have become like family and closer in my heart than I thought possible.

Randy is back with me again too. I love the hell out of him. Yes, he's critical, yes, he can be hard, but he's my brother and I accept him for who he is. I do not try to change him, even the faults I accept. We all have them. Working on them and making them better is what counts.

We have both re-defined our goals. Our roots are still in-tack, our belief system is still the same and our core has not changed. How we look at life has. 27 years ago, Randy and I both went to night clubs on Hewitt ave in Everett, now we have come full circle. It's funny too... some of the same people are still there, after all these years, and some are new, but it seems to have come full circle.

I have 3 goals now. One, is my health and getting better, two, is giving 100% support to a man who deserves it more than anyone I have met in my life. Three is being in that mans life as an equal, before my life is over. I want my family to be apart of this too. My brother and my father especially. They know me the best, out of all the people I have known, and even though Randy and I may seem like we are at odds, we are not, it is our dynamic. We both learn from each other.

Most who have read my blog, know the man I am talking about, and I believe in destiny. Things happen for a reason. My brother back, the scene I left years ago, all of it, has brought me to this person, and I am blessed and thankful that it has.

http://youtu.be/c2aLIpiQT-E