Gypsy...................Friends

Way back in my blog archives, I did a post on friendship. I had to end one that I thought was solid. This blog is going to be similar, although I am not ending a friendship, it's about new ones I have started.

Back in my teens, I'd say this was the summer before 7th grade. We had new neighbors move in next door to us. There were 4 kids, although one was already grown, but living at home. Two girls and Two boys. The younger ones, a girl and a boy, befriended my brother and me. (Randy, whom you've sorta met in another blog) Randy was close to David, and I became close to DeeDee.

DeeDee and I ran together until pretty close to the ending of my senior year, although there was a period in middle school where we had a falling out. Minor, but it was a pivotal moment in my life, and shaped the woman I am now. She had told me something, and asked that I not repeat it. Long story short, I did. I think looking back on it, it was a period of time where I was still figuring out who I was and where I fit in in life, and giving up a confidence was a way of trying to fit in. As young girls do. The falling out with DeeDee, didn't last more than a few weeks, but it impacted me in a huge way.

God is a huge part of my life. He's 1st. Honesty and integrity in everything I do is 2nd. There are times where I have had to be blunt and have come off sounding un-caring, but it has to do with how I live my life. The people in it now, are people who I believe will be in it for good. Whether that is in a relationship, or a friendship. Truth hurts, but it's the best policy. I won't have people in my life that don't reciprocate the same level of honesty and caring.

I have had to re-define my relationships in the past year, and weed out the people who only care for themselves or who are friends with me for their own gain. It was not easy, but it was the best. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and would not have it any other way. I love the people who are in it and have no plans to change how things are or how I live.

Don't wait for the world to change for you. Live your life with good intentions, see good in everything and everyone and work for positive change in your world....and you will never fail.

Put God 1st, surround yourself with people who also put God 1st, live with honesty and integrity and you'll always have peace of mind. Love and peace to my friends and loved ones.

Gypsy....... .........alone....(revised)

A very short post on some current events in my life. My step daughter, who will always be a daughter to me, was married this weekend. All my children were in her wedding.

I didn't go. I could have.... she invited me, but I did not feel it was appropriate considering the circumstances. I spent Friday, the day of the rehearsal trying to keep my mind off it. I spent Saturday, in a very melancholy mood, and at one point, was in tears.

In many many ways it was a blessing to me when her father left me 8 months ago, but this was one of the events in her life that I will miss, and because of that, I'm alone. Alone in having someone to share that with, alone in dealing with the pain. This is part of my past now, and moving past it has been fairly easy, except for this one. This one hurt.

It also made me realize that although I have people in my life who love and care for me, it will always be just me, taking care of me. No one else can.

Through out my life, no matter what has taken place, what paths I choose, what people were in it..... It's always been me. I'm the one who has picked up the pieces and moved on. I'm the one doing it this time.

The people who have trampled on me, taken me for granted, and ripped me up, are no longer a part of my life. The ones who do it now, will also be out of my life. It only takes once with me. Don't fuck it up. You are the one who have to answer to god for what was done. I don't judge people, it's not my place, I can sleep at night..... can they?

Trust is earned, and I am having a hard time trusting anyone at the moment. Do me a favor... don't make promises you can't keep, don't say things you don't mean, and don't make plans without letting me know what they are when they are plans that affect my life. Keep it simple. It's called integrity.

http://youtu.be/OYjZK_6i37M

Gypsy.......... early memories of summer times

Yesterday I spent the day with my youngest son, Gabriel. He's my baby. (9 years old ) but I didn't think I could have another one, so he was my surprise. We spent the day doing yard work. I love my home and yard. I have spent the last few weeks working on the inside of my home, and decided I needed to be outside.

My grass had gotten to the point where I felt like dragging the 9 motors out of the garage and hanging them in the tress! Good lord this place has gotten bad! Slowly though, I am making it mine again.




When I was a child, I loved being outdoors. My dad had 5 acres at the time in Lk.Stevens, our home was on a dead end road, and we were always in the woods. We always had chores to. Every August, dad would start preparing for winter. He'd fall the big cedars on the property, the ones that he knew would come down in a good strong storm. We used to help him. Our job was filling the wood shed after dad would fall the tree and cut it up. We were taught how to use all the tools! I loved this. Dad was so good about making sure we knew how to take care of ourselves.

One summer, he was cutting wood, and this was back when the chainsaws had no guards on them. He had put the saw down and it was on idle. He told us kids not to go near it, to pick up the rounds over by the tree. Well..... I was all of 6, I remember that, and you KNOW how 6 year old's are. Looky, rounds by the chain saw. Hmm.. they need picking up to. So off I go to do this, and I trip on the blackberry vines. The fall was in slow motion to me. I can remember on the way down, with my hands out to catch my fall, thinking, blackberry stickers... chainsaw.... blackberry stickers... chainsaw.. well, by the time I had decided the stickers, it was to late, so I hit the chainsaw. Yessss... on the blade. Silly me. Nice little puncture that required a trip to the emergency room, 2 stitches and a trip to Baskin and Robbins. *grin* Now, I have a nice little "race car" scar in the middle of my left palm. This was also back when the stitches were done with black thread, not that disappearing stuff like they have now. So the line from the cut has a line across at both ends, and my skin is puffed where the thread was knotted, so it looks like a race car. I show my boys all the time. Especially when they play with the machete and other knives around here.

Yesterday was a blast. Gabriel was a huge help, except for me taking the sledge hammer from him, and having to keep an eye on him with the machete. I did not look when I set the chain saw down and he was hauling the rounds for me. Just because I figured if I did, or said, "don't" go over there, history would repeat itself.

My lawn mowers are broken, so I weed whacked the whole yard. By the time I got the two stroke and gas mix, and bar oil, it was hitting 630pm and I wanted to finish off the rounds of apple wood I had sitting here from last year. It was a great day, and very satisfying!

So my boy is learing how to be a man, and he loves it. Today we haul rocks out from behind the overgrown blackberry bushes, and finish off my pond.

Gypsy.........summer's after high school

Back to summer. My favorite time of year. The summer after high school, I was on the move. I had dated a guy that was in college, during the last 6 months of my senior year, nice, clean cut, had a job.....AND, he asked me to marry him, and I bolted.

Well, I didn't bolt Per-Se, but the running joke now is I was traded in a car deal to my daughters dad. I took one look at Mike, and thought oh shit! I am in trouble. Proverbial bad boy, with a sensitive side. Why me god? Ha! Mechanic, drummer, (another circle happening here, a blog for later) *grin* Now Mike never did anything with his music, and he could have, but he did pursue his master's mechanics degree.

We lived in a house on Wetmore, in Everett, and I was working at Panama's. This was back when you could sign the blue slip that makes you responsible for being in a bar. Mike was doing some stuff he shouldn't have, and ME, clueless blond chic from sheltered home, opens the door to the police when they showed up looking for him and sweetly says, "Oh, yea, he's here"..*sweeps hand towards garage in the back of the house*..... Silly me. So court ensues, and Mikes parents come up from Ocean shores, and the judge releases Mike on his own recognizance into his parent's custody, so off we go to Grays Harbor.

What times I had down there, some good, A lot not so good, most just wild and crazy. One incident was over a 2000.00 corvette motor that Mike and I had, and BAM, Hoquiam and Aberdeen, and Montesano Police forces, all in our face with guns drawn, and me pregnant with my daughter, and I was done pretty much. Wild life fun, but a bit too much for me. A little ditty in the local paper about a LK. Stevens woman.. < Me, and back to daddy I went. Time to grow up. Me, not him, he's still out there having fun. Love him to death, but most the time, want to choke the hell out of him. *laughs* These days, he's called Grandpa Twitchy, and is also referred to as my never was in-law out-law.
It's all good. More later~

You don't have to Cry, by CSN

http://youtu.be/1awtlA6Nr64

Gypsy....jumping forward ~Lifes Paths~

The events in my life that you will read about, will eventually bring you to the here and now. This is a quick post, and then I am off for a few days.

It chronicles who I am, who I have always been. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Some of it was painful, but most of it was beautiful. I don't hate people, I dislike certain actions. God has been in my life from my earliest memory. I have never questioned him. The paths I took, long or short, still put me where he wanted me. We don't control where we are going, or who we are with, or how we live our lives. God does, he always has. Our life is predetermined, or predestined if you will.

Each person in my life is there for a reason, whether I wanted it or not. To teach me, guide me, and shape who I am. We were given free will and choices, but each choice made, brings us to where he wants us. Something to think on. What we want, and what he wants, can be two entirely different things. Learn to forgive, yourself and others. You'll be so much more at peace with who you are. Don't take life for granted, live out loud. Love out loud. We may not be here tomorrow. Give with all you have.

Jesus said, "My peace I give you, Do not let thy hearts be troubled" John 14:27

Make every day a new day, a new sunrise, and may it be blessed with beauty and peace.

Gypsy... more of me

I'm going to jump back here to a few of my high school years and my brother Randy. The reason for this is I got to see him last night for the 1st time since last summer, or close to, as far as a visit goes, so more memories popped up, and well, I can do that. It's my blog. SO MANY CIRCLES IN MY LIFE!

So... let's see, I think maybe my sophomore year or junior, not real sure of the time frame. Memories tend to blur as we get older, but their still good ones. As I said, Randy and I were close, and, yea... I guess it had to be my junior year since Randy was 2 years younger than me. I was on the drill team, and flag core. Our drill team captain was a dear friend of mine Kristie, who is still a dear friend. Man was she good with choreography. Plus I had joined the powder puff football team. <<< We had a tradition in Lake Stevens, the junior girls always played the senior girls, and the seniors always won. (not this time, but that is for later) Anywayyyyy... so back to me and Randy.

By my junior year I was getting pretty wild. I still kept my grades up, except for general studies..... kinda let those go by the wayside and always slid by when it came to passing. My good grades were from my arts programs that I had 5 classes a day in. Most of the time though I was busy socializing and having fun. This is also when I threw the towel in for good on staying away from anything I should have. Yea,... I was partying, to say the least, and of course Randy was right there with me.

We always played frizzbie on the commons between the classrooms and the office. Randy, me, Dena, Nicci, Janie, and a whole bunch of others. Invariably we were constantly late to class. (I'm wondering if I should change names here to protect the NOT so innocent... ) nah, my memories, my right. OK, so ya, back to school. Let me state this before ya'll get in a tizzy here. We weren't always causing trouble, or getting into mischief, we were basically good kids, having a bit of fun. I know we started skipping classes every once in awhile, and usually around spring breaks or towards the end of the school year.

So... places, morrows meadows, Lk road, the bridges, 7th heaven... << these were our party spots. For some reason, even though Randy and I didn't have a car, we always found someone with one, and always a fast one. Hot rods! << Remembering D.J's mustang, (another story) but, yea, muscle cars were in, and most of the people Randy and I hung out with were seniors, or already out of school, so we always had rides to the party spots.

My Senior year, my girlfriends dad who owned studio 59 in Everett, sold it, and bought Buzzy's on Broadway and made it a all ages club. At the time he was in competition with Cheetah's in Marysville, ( another circle in my life, and will write about that later) but, opening night, was a school night and I had promised mom and dad that if Randy could go, I would have him home by midnight. (I didn't) as you can guess.. *snicker* but managed to slide by getting into to much trouble over that one.

So, by this time I was running with my daughter's father, and I was in Everett at his house he shared with 5 other people. He was drinking and I decided I was going to drop acid. <<< OMG... yes, I said that, and did it. (a few times) ANYWHOOO... so I had had Buzz's daughter's boyfriend at the time, pick Randy up, and I met them down at the club. By the time I got there, I was peaking, and Buzz's smoke machine went on the blitz, and the club filled up. WOW.. I of course lost Randy. I think I only saw him once. By the time I had hitched a ride home with Dan, another friend of mine, I knew I was in deep doo doo. Ahyup... Mom and dad were up. Shit! I walk in, and go up stairs to my room.. or try to.. *peaks* in living room, sorta waves to mom and dad, and starts to open room door. DAD, "where's your brother?"... sigh.. so I said he has a ride home and will be here. DAD, "he was suppose to be with you".. Dang.. umm.. yup, well see here's the thing dad... Buzz had trouble with the smoke machine, and I kinda sorta lost Randy and got a ride home with someone else...

Yea, that was quite an evening. Randy finally made it home, and not sure what he had done, but he was under the influence to. The dummy comes in and SITS with mom and dad, and I had to go get him out of the living room and send him to bed before he got us totally busted.

Man, those were some times... more to come, that's it for now.

Gypsy

This one is all about me.

I decided to do this, not only for me, but for the people who are in my life now.

I was born in Seattle Washington, on February 1st, 1965. My birth mother named me Veronica. (I am so not a Veronica, it makes me think of the Archie comics, and she was a bitch. I'm not. HA!) << Maybe a little, but always for the greater good.
I was in a foster home for 10 months and then the state closed it down for neglect.

Where my life began, was with my parents, Marjorie and Kenneth Surdyk. They adopted me. I was raised in Lake Stevens Washington.

Having been born an Aquarius, I was always attuned to my surroundings and the people in my life. There were times, my perception and observations were un-canny. I think I have said this, but I'll say it again. I'm loyal, kind and compassionate, I give 110% to everything I do and everyone I come in contact with. I'm mercurial and have a wild streak. I'm strong willed and independent. I'm an artist at heart, and music is in my soul. I thrive on visual and touch. I accept people for who they are and expect the same.... nuff said. You'll just have to get to know me.

Now to my up-bringing. Mom and dad raised us in your typical suburban manner. We lived in a 2 story home that my father built, on acreage. I had 2 brothers who were also adopted, both from different family's. My oldest brother and I were not all that close, still aren't, but that is another blog. My youngest brother was my partner in crime. We played for hours in the woods around our home, rode bikes and built forts. Our home was a block away from the beach and we spent many a day on the docks, just hanging out. We climbed trees, and shot at the neighbors mail box from the top limb of a creaky old cedar. (shhh.... ) but it was fun, and normal. We called that tree our man o war. Not sure where we got the name, but there you have it.

In the summers, my father would take time off and we would travel. I have been in every state except Alaska. My favorite spots were in the west, the ghost towns and the history we got to see and feel. In the winters, it was pretty normal, school and church. Mom also put all three of us in piano. I played for 14 years. We also had swim, dance, ballet, and tap. All private lessons that mom took us to after school. I remember when I was in Sunday school, and my teacher talked to us about being adopted. To me it was no big deal, it was the same as knowing the sky was blue, and god was in my life. It just was. Every Sunday after church, dad would take us to McDonald's and then go for a drive. Later mom would cook a roast for Sunday dinner.

Weekends we'd visit cousins. Most of dads family was in the Snohomish area. We would sneak out from my aunts house and go down the road to Gar Cemetery where my grand parents were buried. We also took my little cousin Gayleen. She was 3 I think, and we would play hide and seek in the graveyard, and then leave Gayleen there. << This makes me laugh, because Gayleen and I were talking about it a few years ago and her mom was sitting there and it was the 1st she knew of it. God, what a memory that was. We also used to scare her on Thanksgiving with the bear rug we had at home. Mom would send one of us down to the fruit cellar, and we'd grab that rug and holler for Gayleen. So... yea, these are events that shaped me. Boy was I an imp. (still am)

As we got older, my younger brother and I became closer and closer. My older brother would watch us. Ha! We would sneak out and take the bikes and ride around the lake. We were always home before mom and dad got home. I don't know if Tim ever knew. One year, Randy got a wild hair and decided to hot wire dads car. We took it up to frontier village and did brody's in the parking lot. He rolled it.. sheesh, we took it home hoping that dad would never find out. Still not sure if he did.

Anyway, as I reached middle school and high school, I got involved in the arts programs more and more. I have certificates in Calligraphy and actually put them to use here a few years ago and taught classes through parks and rec here in Marysville. In middle school, I was shy and sheltered. I was hanging out with the under dog's and we would hang out in the smoking area. I still had not experienced anything, but I sure wanted to. By the time I hit 8th grade, I decided that I wanted to have a bit of fun. One of my friends older brother's had a flat bed,LD we called him, (Larry David) and he would pick us up after school, and sometimes during school, (not often, because my mother worked for the schools and dammit, knew everything I did!) So not cool! Anyway, we would drink home made strawberry wine, and kick it in the sun. (for some reason there is a lot of sun in my memories, so bear with me.)

Now for high school! Hmm... the best years of my life? I think not... but anyway, they sure were fun. My class started at the New high school. We were the 1st class to go all 4 years there. (I wanted to go to the pink palace, but by that time the lines had changed, and within the 1st year of my 9th year they had closed it down) In 9th grade, I pretty much stuck to the curriculum, but I was held up to the teachers by my older brothers standards, and that ticked me off. I was me, not him, but I constantly got, "Oh?" "Your Tim Surdyk's little sister?" Lord I hated that. Another thing that shaped me. Sigh... lol.. anyway, so by 10th grade I had pretty much had enough of that crap and started making a name for myself. Lordy, and did I. Hmm.. ........tell or not to tell. Oh, screw it. So my 1st big "entrance" came at the high school homecoming game. An ambulance was called and I was taken home with a respiration of 8. By all rights I should have been dead, but god was looking out for me.(and my mother, who flashed a flash light in my eyes all night long, and then dragged my ass to church the next day!) A friend of mine got me plowed, and I passed out on the 50 yd line. Funny, but SO not funny at the time, and scared the pants off my parents. Of course they never really knew why I did this, and still don't. They thought I was influenced, and what they never got was I ALWAYS made my own decisions. I think my dad gets me now, in fact I know he does, and I love him all the more for it. Anyway, 10 years after this event, I was at the mall and a couple of girls were in the restroom with me, and they both looked at me and said, "aren't you the chic who???"... yea.. lol.. that was me. Shit.... (for some reason, people always remember me when I am in a bathroom to. Weird shit. << More to that statement later.

So, I made it through high school unscathed... pretty much, a few bumps and bruises, but still kicking and still attempting to make a name for me. By graduation, Tim had moved on to college, and I quit 19 days prior to graduating. (another blog) << HA!

I went to college over the summer of 1983, and was also 1st Miss runner up in the Miss lake Stevens contest, and then had to step in and fulfill the duty's of Miss Lake Stevens, who had left for college. In the meantime, I was running all over Lake Stevens with my daughter's father, (who also is another blog) and getting pretty wild. How I escaped all this with a clean record, I'll never know, but I did. Probably has to do with my faith in god.

So, that is my early life... stay tuned, I plan on walking you through to where I am now.

The Dark Side.................bittersweet

I jumped off line today, because I was feeling sick. Sinus flared up, throat sore, and coughing and headache.. a bit of dizziness. I have been attempting to sleep ever since..... dozed here and there, but no go. My thoughts are all over the place right now.

I know I came down with this again, because it was not really gone, but also because I have been cleaning the house for two days and the dust made it all flare up again. I started with my room, and removed all of Paul's things. There was not a lot left in here, and it was out of my way so it didn't really bug me, but I needed the whole room done, so I did. During this, I came across some things that enlightened me to just how wrong I was about my perception of my failed marriage. All along I kept thinking it was me. Women do that ya know, we tend to blame ourselves.

When he left 8 months ago, it was totally out of the blue. Broadsided me, and threw me for a loop. A lot of close friends saw what it did to me, and to our children. I was over the whole blaming myself issue, and then this. I am laying here wondering if the whole 14 years was a sham, a big lie..... and I am stunned all over again. I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me, what did I do so horrible in my life, to anyone to have this happen???

Don't get me wrong, I am over him. BIG TIME, I am just NOT over the how and why of it. I have been told my whole life I am a truth seeker, a nun of 27 years said she had never met anyone like me who reflected as much as I did. Maybe this is not a good thing. I look at all these pictures and memories, and all the years we had, and think "WHO THE FUCK WERE YOU??" << THAT is a question to him, to me, to both of us, and I don't think I will get an answer from him. I am trying desperately to get an answer from myself, and not coming up with anything.

Was I really that naive and blind?? How does a person change who they are like that, so was he like that all along? WOW.....

So, looking at the rest of this home that I am trying to make for me and my children,  if that is god's plan, I think that I will have more days like this, dark and scary, and lonely, but I also know myself well enough to know that I can pull out of this. Maybe not right away..... some emotions are a bit overwhelming at the moment... the hurt and sadness of what happened, but I am looking to the happiness I found, and my new friends and new life that awaits to get me through this.

So in ending I will say this; Wisdom does not come in a dazzling flash, but slowly, the way a plot of earth is covered with creeping sprouts, until it is finally transformed into a brilliant emerald green rug. I am not defined by my name or by shameful experience, but instead by hopes and dreams, by aspirations, self respect and perseverance. I am not clay in another persons hands, I am a rock and by my own hands I will sculpt the woman I will become.

Paying it forward

For the last few weeks I have sat by helpless as a very close friend of mine faced a crisis in another state and I could do nothing. Between phone calls and listing and selling, and net-working I became more and more frustrated with the situation.

I met Roy on-line through talkshoe, way back (wow, 4 years?.. seems like yesterday) when an auctioneer friend was doing a series on Antiques. Getting to know him in the chat, and net-working with him on other sites, ie: Facebook, twitter, multipy, and other groups. I came to care about him and his wife. These two are a very special and rare couple. Married 37 years, and still going strong.

In February of 2010, I started chatting with Roy on a more personal level. We were in a group together, and he helped me get through some very tough spots in my life. The moral support and observations of someone on the outside looking in, kept me focused and level headed in my decision making. In April of 2010, after a bone marrow biopsy, Roy took over my listing for me. During this time, my marriage started to falter. I finally closed shop for good in August of of 2010, to focus on the home front. Roy took over everything for me. Up to now, he has continued to do so, even dealing with his own crises.

So now it's time for some pay back. I made some calls to a few close friends, my business partner in New York, and my best friend in Alabama, and we hit behind the scenes, to help this couple out.

I won't go into the details of Roys personal journey right now, but I will say, that he got me through mine, and I, and others close to him will get him through his.

If you can help in anyway, housing in the Cape May area, monetary donations, ect; then please do so. We have all hit struggles in our life at one point or another and we all need to know that there are people who love and care for us, regardless of where we reside.

I am putting Roys Paypal addy on here, or you can email me at gypsygirlmuse@gmail.com to help if you'd like.

roybaker@comcast.net

you can also find him here: http://myworld.ebay.com/2woofers
you can find me here: http://stores.ebay.com/GypsyByways

A portion of my sales will go to and continue to help Roy through out the coming months.

Thank you to any and all help.